Sunday, May 24, 2009

A Lovely Day but with Questions

Hello everyone, I had a wonderful, happy and pain free day today. Thank you God. Now I don't mean to sound selfish but as I made my way into bed tonight I couldn't help but wonder, question, why can't every day be like these past two days. I mean what is it that keeps me from having pain one day compared to those ugly days so full of pain. I was so thankful I couldn't stop my tears, they were tears of joy. ( now I am not a crier) I so appreciate my life but I don't understand what I do differently that causes my health to change like it has lately. I am the same, I eat the same, I do the same things, what is it then that causes that pain. If only I knew, or if any one knew then I could stop doing it. I think it's time I quit trying to control this neuropathy and just accept it but somehow, right now, I'm not able to do this. There has to be a way to figure out for all of us who suffer this disease, some how find a way of the do's and dont's. I for one would try anything suggested to be able to use my feet and hands without the fear of having it come back. Sounds dumb I know, but today was such another beautiful day and I who always have prayed to be able to accept and not question, and who has been blessed to be able to accept everything I have been dealt in my life, prayed a different pray tonight. I want to know how I can help myself, I love being able to feel my feet and hands normal, and never again do I want to have to crawl to my bathroom. I would even agree to be a guinea pig to test, whatever to not only help myself but others. There has to be something I can do, just has to be.

Sorry, I kind of got carried away there for a moment, but I guess my heart is over flowing with the joy of the last couple of days. Oh they have been the best. I went for a walk today and everything seemed so beautiful to me, the grass was greener, the sky was the color of blue topaz even the children I met along the way seemed sweeter. I know now why I was enjoying it all so much, I had no pain.

I went to church this morning and stopped at Tim's for coffee on my way home. When I got home I made my bed up fresh and then did 2 loads of laundry. I dusted, cleaned bathrooms and vacuumed. By this time I was ready to go out to the deck. I took my new Nora Roberts novel and a glass of ice tea and spent the most relaxing hour I can remember.

I came in to call my friend to apologize for missing her get together last night. I told her what happened and she was wonderful about it. She said "I should of called you," we really missed you" awwww, anyway they are having a card party the end of June and I promised I would make that one, she said "you will if I have to come and drive you myself" I laughed and was happy to hear that they all had a great time. I was glad I had waited until mid afternoon before I called as it was as I thought, she had a long night and had just woke up. It was so nice to talk with her, when we all worked together we were like family with each other. It will be good to see them in June.

My friend Terry called, her brother in law is still in ICU, they have put him in induced coma and he is on a respirator but the doctor's are quite optimistic he will make it through now where a few days ago they had some doubt. Terry is coming in for my birthday and we are going to do my flowers together. We always take each other out for dinner on our birthdays and in all these years we have hardly missed our birthdays together. Old school friends are special don't you think, I sure do. She is only staying over one night as she has other commitments on the 28th and I too have a hair appointment for a cut and streaks.

I then BBQ again for supper, I had left over potato salad, tossed salad and my favorite, macaroni salad in the fridge so I BBQ a chicken breast and with my salads supper was delicious. I love eating outside, everything taste better and even the day old salads had a special flavor. I have to say I always did like some foods better the next day and today was one of them.

I listened to the hockey game on the radio as I sat on the deck again today, oh life is good.

After 3 afternoons on my deck I am beginning to tan. I haven't tanned in many years as I would always sit in the shade but this year for some reason the sun doesn't bother me if I only sit in it for short periods at a time. I don't sit long enough to get a sunburn but it's nice to see some color on my arms, legs and face. I still stay outside, I just to move to the shade when I feel I might be burning.

I know I shared a lot of my emotions tonight, and like a written journal I share my day and the feelings that come with it. I hope all my American friends enjoyed Memorial Day and all of my friends have a Marvellous Monday. I plan to.

Good Night and God Bless.....:-)

19 comments:

Wanda said...

Good morning Bernie...It's wonderful to hear of your joyful day...that painful ordeal may have interupted your life but it didn't tarnish your outlook...just as bright as ever...Along with you I will be thinking positive thoughts for you...that you are never in that situation again...Your salad meal sounded so good...when I think summer I think salads...any kind...any time!...Have another joyful day Bernie...Smile and know you have many friends that care!

Eileen said...

How nice of you to share your deep feelings with us. And you are so right to appreciate your good health, so often I know I take my health for granted until I am sick and then I realize what a gift good health is.
I wish I had some wonderful cure for you, or at least some positive suggestions, I'll have to do some research first.
I'm so glad you've had a few good pain-free days to enjoy life.

I like sitting in the sun too, and I do it just the way you do, just little bits here and there.
And your outdoor suppers sound wonderful! I think we'll grill outdoors tonight too!

Take care of yourself.
Feel good.
'Still praying for you, Bernie!

Blessings each day said...

I rejoice with you on your "pain freeness" and tears of happiness are the best kind!

Thank you for sharing all of this, my sweet friend.

blessings for pain free days always,

marcy

The Retired One said...

I wish I had enough wisdom to know the answer as to why the disease hits you hard one day and then not the next. I have similar (but not near as severe as you experience) pain with my fibromylagia. Sometimes after gardening, I cannot stand, sit or lay down without great pain. Sometimes I cannot garden for the same reason. It is like your body betrays you. I don't like to take pain pills and they upset my stomach, so I just do what I can on the good days, and feel old on the others.
I am so glad you found relief and joy in living over the last few sunny wonderful days you have had.
I can hear your joy of living in your posts and it is such a reminder of the blessing of being alive each and every day.
Thanks, Bernie!
{{hugs}}}

Brenda said...

I resonate with what you say. I do not have neuropathy but you communicate well. I did have bladder pain for over a year and somedays I could barely walk. I told the Lord over and over that I would rather go to heaven than live with such discomfort. I had a procedure on April 9th and am nearly pain free now. I wish there was some "procedure" for you! i am glad for you that you have some good days now and then. I meet with a dear Christian friend each week that has Parkinson's. She said it has been the biggest challenge that she has ever faced and although she is a natural optimist, she finds herself very discouraged lately. I am convinced that growing older and facing physical limitations is the most difficult time in life. My Dad died at age 89 almost one year ago. The last months of his life were so hard that I can still nearly cry thinking about it. We really need God's grace and strength to finish the race well!

Teresa said...

Hi Bernie,
You seem as confused about why your health changes, as I am about my mood changes. I wish I had an answer...for both of us.

Stillness Speaks said...

A thankful heart, is always a happy heart. It's not easy I know. I can't even imagine what you go through on a daily basis, but to even read it all makes me so sad. Take it one day at a time Bernie. And never loose that faith that says 'Tomorrow shall be better'. I wish I knew what you could do, to not have that pain come back, but I ain't a physician. I would just say, eat healthy and have green tea if you can, and do a bit of Yoga each day. Hope when you read this, you're even better than what you were yesterday! God bless!

Diana said...

Hello Bernie, I'm so late commenting (computer issues!) but I wanted to tell you I am so happy that you are feeling better and were able to enjoy the sun. And it is so wonderful to feel joyful. It seems the lord has blessed you with feeling well for now my friend and for that I am joyful as well!

Garnetrose said...

Oh, Bernie, I am glad you had a good day. I am sorry that you have been in pain lately. Bless you, my computer friend. I hope all your days and pain free from here on...

Bernie said...

Hi Wanda, I had a great day today, God is good. Hope you enjoyed yours as well and thank you my friend, your words mean so much to me...:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Thank you Eileen for your kind words, I think I am well on the road to recovery as has another great day today....Bless you:-)

Bernie said...

Marcy, your blessing for a pain free day was wonderful. I did have a great day my friend, thank you....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hello Miss Retired One, if you had the answer to my complaints you would be a miracle worker. I am enjoying my good health again today and have to focus on living in the moment. I hope you are well as I have been told fibromylagra is very painful and tiring. Take care of yourself my friend....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Oh Brenda thank you for your understanding. I am so glad you are doing so much better. I am sorry about your dad, it must of been so hard on you. I am happy to say I have many more good days than pain filled ones, it's just that when I have an attack, I, like you would rather be in heaven than suffer that pain. I get frustrated as I don't know what causes my attacks. I know I will be fine and when I hear of your friend I am reminded to be thankful for what I have as others have much harsher diseases to live with than I do. Blessings on you Brenda,
.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hi Terri, I do get frustrated with my attacks and not knowing what causes them. I am so thankful that I don't get them that often. I hope you are doing well my friend,...:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hello Stillness, you have a beautiful spirit my friend. Thankfully I don't have these attacks all the time and most of my time I am well. When the attack does happen it is very difficult to bare but I always come out the other side. I am going to start drinking green tea as another friend has told me the same the same thing. Don't be sad for me my friend, God has blessed me with so much and I am so thankful for everything....Thank you for caring....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hi Diana, oh yes I am feeling really good now, thank you God. Our weather has been absolutely beautiful these past few days, I think everyone's heart's are lighter. Take care and I am glad your computer issue has been resolved....."-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Garnet, thank you for your beautiful and kind words, I am happy to say I just keep getting better, thank you God. How is your knee?.......:-) Hugs

Granny on the Web said...

I have called back here, to see what other comments are posted, and I don't see the one I left yesterday. How odd.
Hope this and your following post comment I left earlier, get through.

Love Granny