I have been thinking a lot lately about the holidays. Most of us enjoy this time of year but I realize many of those who are lonely, sick, depressed or have lost loved ones this past year will find this season very painful. Thankfully most people are surrounded by family and friends who love and care about them and their priorities are to have everyone together sharing faith, turkey dinners, decorations and gifts. They enjoy just being together and appreciate all the year has brought them. I am grateful to have this in my life......but I still feel for those who don't. Once someone said to me "Bernie" I have family that love me but don't care and friends who care but don't love me". I have never forgotten this sentence but I never quite understood it either because too me when you love someone you care about them just as when you care for someone you love them. Yesterday while at my class I realized I may be wrong, you see one of the patients said everyone was concerned about her but they were so busy living their lives and that life didn't include a sick person who needed to be helped each day. She wasn't being mean or feeling sorry for herself, she was speaking her truth. My heart ached for her and I said then why don't you decide who you would like to spend Christmas with and ask them if they would mind. She said she would think about it but I am not sure she will ask anyone as she cannot afford to buy gifts nor is she well enough to help someone with shopping, baking or decorating (this seems to be very important to her)......last night I couldn't settle just thinking about her and I had to accept the fact that I cannot fix everything for everyone, sometimes I just have to do my best and let God handle the rest. I am thinking of calling my nephew and asking him if I can bring her with me to his place for Christmas. I would like to be able to help her and I don't mind caring for her. I haven't called him yet....I feel I may be imposing....what does that say about me? Perhaps I should have Christmas here in my own home and share it with her but then would I disappoint my nephew and his family. We have had every Christmas together for 10 years. I know my niece e-mails me every day excited that I'm sharing Christmas with her and we will do our traditions we do every year. Okay so back to the prayers, not only so that I may settle but for the patient who is feeling so alone.....
Good Night and God Bless......and many, many Hugs.....:-)
62 comments:
Life is NOT easy - for those who feel uncared about OR for those who care.
I haven't watched the video yet...I have such a cold and feel so miserable, that I wasn't sure if I could handle more tears right now. But this will pass and then I'll watch it. I promise.
Bernie I am truly touched by this video, I cried when the little boy ran out onto the stage to hug his Uncle I held it in until then and that was it I was a big baby :0)
I am sorry to hear of the girls issues, I am confused though I couldn't figure out if it was a relative of yours, or just someone you were trying to help out; either way just know that if you pray on it the Lord will send you his answer, I do not feel as though it is a bad thing to help out another person during the holidays I think it is great, just being there for them, and talking to them can really brighten their day.
Your such a wonderful woman have an incredible evening.
I adore your comments lol your so sweet, my mom told me you were thinking of me when you signed her blog and said my name lol that is so funny. I love it. I love the visits.
.•:*¨¨*:•.Blessings*¨2 U 4¨**¨¨*the holidays .•:*¨¨*:•.
-:¦:-H-:¦:-E-:¦:-I-:¦:-D-:¦:-I-:¦:-
You, my dear..are so kind. I feel so much love from you even though we may be thousands of miles apart. It is true, the holidays are really a painful time for us, (and i know so many more are feeling the same).. but we don't want to ruin it for others. So it's really best to just keep it down, and even sleep it away.
Bernie, sometimes the person may be lonely and yet not want to be where the crowd are.. that's ok too.
To know someone thought of them or that they are welcome to join if they are up to it really helps more than you know.
i wish i can hug you in person, Bernie.
love,
~Silver
HI BERNIE-
I so loved the video of the man singing and his heartfelt story of his brother who died. It was so loving and so emotional. I followed right into your "matters of the heart". I just love how much you care and want to do what is right and best all the time - your heart is HUGE. I know you will make the best decision Bernie. I just so love and appreciate that you even have such a decision to make.
Love to you
Gail
peace......
p.s. we have not heard from the doctor yet about my Mom's ultrasound. I will let the Villagers know. Thanks for ALL your prayers.
Rebecca, I am so sorry you are not feeling well, so many people have terrible colds and are not feeling well right now, take care sweetie and I hope you feel better real soon.....:-) Hugs
Heidi, the girl well woman actually is one the patient's that attends a class I volunteer for.. I teach it every Tuesday afternoon, we have chronic and terminal patients and sometimes their health issues weighs heavy on my heart but I can't seem to stop myself from doing this work as somehow in some small way I feel I can help.
Your mum is right, I was thinking about you and your blog and typed your name....do you think it's my age....LOL
Take care......:-) Hugs
Hi Silver, yes sometimes no matter what is happening around people they still feel very much alone....you know so well how painful the holidays are when there is an illness or someone is terminal...breaks all our hearts. Perhaps she does need the time alone......:-) Hugs
Gail, this video really did pull at my heart strings, my cousin knows me well.
I am continuing to keep your mum in my heart and prayers, I hope she will soon be on the way to recovery.......:-) Hugs
"I haven't called him yet....I feel I may be imposing....what does that say about me?"
Means you're human. Yet, so kind to be concerned about another. I complain about getting Christmas on the table, as it were. I forget there are those who truly are lost and alone in this season.
A big hug to you, Bernie.
DEAR BERNIE,
I LOVE YOU...YOU ARE AN AWESOME LADY. IT IS USUALLY THE ONES WHO HAVE SUFFERED THE MOST PAIN THAT ARE THE MOST COMPASSIONATE. WHAT SHE SAID IS VERY TRUE...I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND WILL CONTINUE TO THINK ABOUT IT. IF I WAS THERE I WOULD BE HAPPY TO HAVE HER AT MY HOME FOR CHRISTMAS. SHE COULD BE SITTING IN A CHAIR AND STILL STIR THINGS UP OR FILL THE GLASSES WITH ICE AND SHE WILL REALLY FEEL LIKE SHE HELPED.
THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY...WE SHARE A PAIN NOT EVERY ONE KNOWS.
IT EASY FOR PEOPLE TO PRAISE THE LORD WHEN THINGS ARE GREAT...BUT IT IS PLEASING TO THE LORD TO PRAISE HIM WHEN YOU ARE BROKEN
ANGEL HUGS
DEBBIE
I watched the video...
Yes, my tears came rolling down...happy ones...mixed with the emotional sad ones that I felt for the man's loss of his brother and the little boy's loss of his father...but what a tremendous life the young man will have with his Uncle. I can feel it.
You have a caring heart, Bernie. You can't help it. God put it there...and there it will stay and do so much good for others. Your heavenly crown will be full of jewels, my dear friend.
Hugs and love to you,
Jackie
Hi Bernie...I'm up later than usual...The video will make one cry...Like you say your cousin knows you well.
I can't speak for your nephew and his family, but my mother and her best friend, Malinda spent their holidays with us. Malinda lived alone and never had children. Having her here was a pleasure. She arrived once in a wheelchair. She passed away 6 months before my mother.
I understand how you feel Bernie, does anyone come to the class with this lady, maybe you could speak to them in a subtle way. Maybe do something with her before or after Christmas, or just some small gift. I too hate for people to be sad. Maybe her plans will change for the better before then!
Love,
Wanda
Wanda, oh you know my heart so well and you have made some wonderful suggestions....now go and get some sleep my friend, unlike you I sleep in every morning and I don't want you to get this terrible cold going around. I was going to e-mail you today but will tomorrow...luv ya and big hugs to Alivia....:-)
Debbie, it is so good to hear from you beautiful lady....and you as well have made wonderful suggestions....sending bunches of love right back at you....:-) Hugs
Jackie, wasn't that a lovely video, I love it when someone steps up and helps those in need, his brother knew who would love his son didn't he....and Jackie my heart is no bigger than any of my other blogger friends, you would do and feel the same I am sure.
Luv ya......:-) Hugs
Julie, thank you for your kind words, my heart wants to do the right thing all the time but your right I am human and cannot always do or say the right things...I so enjoy your visits.....:-) Hugs
Beautiful, touching video, Bernie, and a beautiful, touching post too.
I understand what your patient was talking about, and I think she's right. We all care, but we all go about our lives sometimes as if we don't.
We feel for others, and we pray for them, but we get up each day and go about our business.
They are living through whatever strife, sickness, depression, addiction, etc. every moment, it might be consuming them, but for us, it's a thought, it's a fleeting moment, it's a fervent prayer, but it is not a way of life for us the way it is for them. We leave them there stuck in whatever misery they are in, and we go on.
This is something I think about a lot. As much as I do feel bad for people and situations they may be in, I don't think I care enough to change my lifestyle for them. This is actually something I'm wrestling with right now. It's something I've wrestled with when my Mom and Dad were ill. Could I have done more for them? You bet I could have.
I loved them, I cared about them, but not enough to put my husband and my children and my life on the back burner.
I think it's wonderful of you to reach out to your patient. But I do understand your dilemma with your family, I would feel too that it might be presumptuous for me to invite someone along. And you also don't want to create any hurt feelings by saying you will do Christmas at home instead.
I'll say a prayer that things work out.
Love to you, Eileen
Eileen, you are right and I think Julie summed it up best, it means we are human......we are not perfect and we cannot save the world. We too have too live our lives and sometimes it is a juggling act. I will pray on this and I know it will work out Eileen. I know I feel better just talking about it and when next Tuesday arrives I will go into that class and show her I care and as much love as I possibly can then go from there. Luv ya, hugs to Jayden and Mia........:-)
Dear Bernie - that video was very touching and really tugged at the heartstrings. Not every man would even take his brother's child but the two clearly have a wonderful bond.
We can't always solve the world's problems but I would much rather be a caring, conerned human being than to be indifferent to the pain and suffering of others. If I can ease someone's pain in my path through this world, then I feel that's part of my task on this earth. I think that's what drew me to nursing in the firt place.
Oh Bernie, you couldn't have posted this at a better time. It was a perfect Christmas message for us all. You were right, I did cry as I watched the video. Right now, I'm going through an emotional time family-wise - it did me good to have a weep.
Hi Bernie,
It's very true the holidays aren't always happy for some. Jake's mother died from brain cancer two weeks before Christmas when he was 13. I know that it is still hard for him every year and I don't think that he would even celebrate if not for us. I know he wouldn't.
Personally, I would take that lady alone with me to our holiday get together. We have had people over in the past who have had nowhere to go. It brings them joy. And us too. After all whats one extra person. What a wonderful gift for her. Sometimes just being around people helps, gifts or no gifts!
I'm with you, go with what you feel! Loved the video Bernie!
Love Di
Bernie, sometimes one just needs to pray and then do what you feel is best. This woman may either accept your loving proposal or it may propel her in the right direction to someone she needs to connect to, in and among her family and friends.
blessings and warm hugs on this chilly day,
marcy
I don't have a lot to add as others have said everything so well. But I think you said it best when you said "I had to accept the fact that I cannot fix everything for everyone, sometimes I just have to do my best and let God handle the rest".
I would say give the lady extra attention in regard to Christmas, but there's no need to include her in your family celebration or cancel anything, even though your heart says otherwise. Maybe you could take her to lunch one day close to Christmas, like to a lovely tea room, something to make her feel special and to let her know that someone cares?
Bernie,
You are such a wonderful person! You care so much for others, that in itself is the Christmas gift you gave to this woman.
Have a wonderful day!
Why not do something special for/with her before Christmas and then do your own traditional Christmas thing?
why is this time of year so hard? Thnx for your post. It makes me want to do better. I could, i know.
RNSANE, all we can do is the best we can but sometimes I feel it is never enough, but the goal is to keep on trying.....:-) Hugs
Val, I loved this video and the message it brought, sometimes it is good to cry.......:-) Hugs
Diana, I have no doubt you would take care of this lady as all in our village would....hey I miss your e-mails. Hope you and Jake are feeling much better...:-) Hugs
Hi Marcy, I think we women like to nuture and help everyone. I know I can only do so much.....:-) Hugs
Miss Wayside, I am going to ask her for lunch before Christmas, also include her caregiver and see if we can celebrate a bit....:-) Hugs
Anne, I am not so wonderful, I only try to treat others as I want to be treated....how have you been? ....:-) hugs
A/C, I am going to invite her and her caregiver to lunch...her caregiver is going to her family for Christmas but I may try and speak with her about the situation. Be well A/C.....:-) Hugs
Glen, we all could do better, sometimes life can be so hard and sad.....:-) Hugs
Well Bernie the video and woman's story both moved me to tears.
You know we had a feast vacation in Egypt as well, we usually buy staff (clothes and food) for the poor.
Reading this post made me think, may be we should better visit ill people and old ones who live in house cares.
Also, I remembered my Consultant, she has an eye problem that may lead to blindness. She knows how sencerily I care for her and love her for she always did the same. She taught me a lot and was always there for me. However, she asked help from a friend of mine and not from me. When I asked why she said "You are very emotional and I'll tell you later". Then, I knew from my friend that she needs her help to read some books for her.
You know when I thought of it, I realized she knows I care sooooooooo much & that I will never say I CAN'T even if it would have an effect on my time and work.
I feel it became a contest of care, She knows I care so much and since she too cares for me she doesn't want to burden me.
I remember a quote she sent me by SMS that applies to you and me "Power is understanding what you can and cannot control"
Just pray for God and I believe if you ask your nephew to read this post, he will be easily persuaded to invit her himself.
your a blessed soul, Bernie...just do it! your nephew would be delighted, I am sure! what is the worst possible thing that could happen? one or the other should decline the invitation? it's placing those thoughts into action that create joy in life. have a great day! :)
Bernie...
Hello sweetie. The story was a tear jerker and you need at least 1box of kleenexes. Thank you for tugging at my heart though.
Okay sweet friend, this is what you do. Christmas Eve, have a dinner party with this woman from the clinic that needs a place to be, and needs someone to have in her life. Christmas Day spend with your nephew and his wife.
If he is out of town and you will be traveling, then have her over earlier in time, but celebrate it as Christmas with her. Either way it doesn't matter what day you celebrate Bernie you will be giving her memories, which all of us need. You could take some pictures and put together a little memory book for her, and call it Christmas 2009. She can flip back through it for a happy memory. It sounds like that is something she doesn't have a lot of.
Just a suggestion sweetie, as I know you are so torn between the two get togethers.
Have a beautiful day. Country hugs and much love...Sherry
Shimo, I do think that all of us who love someone do not want to impose or put them out in any way. I understand that and probably this is exactly how your consultant feels.....I think it's important to respect her wishes.
Have a wonderful day....:-) Hugs
Kay, thank you.....I still haven't decided yet but I know I will work something out before the time comes......:-) Hugs
Oh Sherry, what a good planner and organizer you are. I usually spend at least 4 days with my nephew and his family but you are absolutely right I could have a mini Christmas before I go.....thank you for your kind words and I am positive I can work something out so everyone can share the happiness of Christmas....:-) Hugs
Bernie,
Make sure you do spend Xmas with you family (and maybe bring her) because if you don't, I am sure your family will miss you like crazy. I always feel so alone when our kids can't make it home for the holidays.
My email was not working before I left...I couldn't send out any replies, but I did write to you to tell you that I got your lovely thanks for the photo...it just wouldn't send any of my emails out. I will have to fix it when I get back home.
Anyway, you are most welcome and I hope you find a frame for it. I think it would have looked even better in an 11X14, but I didn't have a way to send it to you that big.
Love from me!
Joan, I am still debating over what to do.....perhaps she doesn't want me to do anything. I am going to speak with her on Tuesday and see if I can at least have her for lunch or tea before Christmas. I hope it is nothing serious about your computer...have fun in Florida....am going into the city next week and I will get my frame then e-mail you a picture.
We are under a blizzard warning, storm is coming in overnight and suppose to last until Sunday. Enjoy Florida......:-) Hugs
Well, Bernie, I'm crying here in CO. Some of us can only imagine the pain others are feeling. This young man is trying to rise above his grief to help his nephew - such a great voice and inspiration. Thanks for sharing! I think doing something with the lady before or after the holidays might be nice, Bernie. I believe she's tapped into a truth - sometimes people avoid others who are suffering - it becomes too much trouble for them - perhaps a reminder of their own mortality.
Barb you realized the same thing I did watching the video...
You also expressed exactly what our little patient was saying and Barb I could feel her heart as she spoke, these people are facing the final journey of their life and have no reason to express anything but their truth but it still hurts me to hear them speak that way. I don't know why I continue the work I do as at times it lays very heavy on my heart but it is something I just have to do...more for me really than anyone. I receive so much love from these people and they accept whatever small thing I am able to do for them....it sincerely is a blessing to me. Luv ya....:-) Hugs
Oh Bernie, of course I want you visiting my blog!!! I have been so out of touch lately with everything...please forgive me and I am so glad you commented as I am trying my best to see and fill my life with good things and you are one of them! (((((Hugs)))) T
Terri, so good to hear from you and to know you are still working hard on bringing happiness into your life......:-) Hugs
Bernie, I am so glad I did not miss this post. I did cry you could just feel his loss. very sad, inspirational and loving. I am sure you will decide what to do. I have a friend whom is 83 and she is alone at Christmas. My husband and I either have her here on the 22 or 23 of December. But on Christmas day she wants to be by herself. so we do what we can beforehand. It is surprising the amount of people that I know that don't have family but spend time amongst friends.it will all work out for you. Big hug to you my kind friend. Take care.
Cinner, I was wondering where you have been, so glad you stopped by as I miss you.
I already have a plan for our little patient and will see what she thinks about it when I see her on Tuesday.
Have a great weekend....:-) Hugs
Oh Bernie what a wonderful video. It makes my heart happy to see the love between those two folks. You will do the right thing about the client. You always do. Blessings to you.
QMM
The video was amazing, just fabulous. You sound like such a wonderful person...fact is that there are very few people who would consider someone else as you do. Even if it doesn't work out it is amazing that you even thought to try.
Whatever you decide to do, I'm glad you're thinking about this woman. I'm sure it's got to be very difficult to be ill during the holiday when there's all this activity going on and all those "family" Christmas movies on television.
I wish her well. And you, of course.
Oh, this one truly made me cry...I got so choked up...this was simply a beautiful story...Thank you for sharing it, dearest Bernie...I wish I had taken your advice and grabbed that box of Kleenex BEFORE I started viewing this!!! Love you!!! Janine XO
Peggy, wasn't it lovely. The love of a brother and his brothers child. I loved it.
I have a plan for my little patient, will post about it if all works out well.
Have a great Sunday....:-) Hugs
Externally Distracted, thank you for your kind words, I love working with my patients, they help me more than I ever could any of them.
Wasnt the video amazing....:-) Hugs
Hi Ari, so nice to have you visit. I really care for our patients, they are so wonderful and it is hard on people especially during the holiday season when they are ill or have lost someone they love. ......:-) Hugs
Janine, this video went right to my heart as well....so much love there for his nephew and from the nephew for his Uncle.
I am hoping all will work out with my little patient...so sad....Hugs
As soon as his nephew ran onto the stage came the flood of emotion and tears. Most certainly a touching and heart throbbing story. Thank you for posting. It is a gift.
Bernie, knowing the depth of your care and understanding, the right decision will come. Your love will right it all.
Much love, Rose Marie
Rose Marie, I know what you mean, this video showed pure love to me and I loved its message....we cried at the same time....:-) Hugs
Appreciate your post.
This is one such lady you know of Bernie, there are countless others. People you don't even know. This is the truth. It might seem obvious that a parent must love his or her child. But it isn't always the case. Which is why there are so many people who suffer from depression later on in life. Because their childhood wasn't happy. That is what I read in the Road Less Traveled. If only every parent could bring up his or her children with genuine love and children could reciprocate the same to parents in their old age, we wouldn't have this lady all sad on as joyous an occasion as Christmas.
I know you will do the best that you can and whereever you go, you'll only spread happiness and cheer
Just Be Real....thank you and please visit again....:-) Hugs
Stillness, I think reading the book A Road Less Travelled has done you the world of good. Have a wonderful weekend....:-) Hugs
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