Sunday, December 6, 2009

Welcome To My Home

Hello my friends.....this has been a sad day for me, one of my dearest blogger friends mother passed away and my heart is breaking for the pain she is now feeling. I love her so much so in celebration of her mother I am going to post my happy memories and how I got to where I am.

As most of you know I have lost many of the one's I have loved most in my life, my son, my husband, my parents and my brother as well as several beautiful friends. For many years now I didn't decorate a Christmas tree, nor did I decorate anything. The memories were to painful. This year instead of running from the memories I decided to embrace them and so began the trek from the crawl space in the basement to my favorite room in the house, the cosy living room.

Let me set the scene for you...we were in the middle of a very cold blizzard. I couldn't go out and no one would be visiting. Though the weather outside was brutal the feeling in my heart was warm and wonderful, I have waited many years for this feeling to return on my favorite holiday and I wasn't about to let the moment pass. I have to admit I shed tears as I unpacked certain favorite ornaments, like the one my son made for me in school, or the beautiful heart with grandmother on it from my granddaughter.....I didn't cry very long, I knew they all would want me to be happy.

The finally decorated's been eight years!

These trees are very special, my mother in law had made me the small one and my husband had given me the large one....I can still see the sparkle in his eyes as he presented me with his gift with much love.

I won this stained glass nativity scene in a curling bonspiel...I remembered the happiness we felt and all the laughs my team shared when we won this prize.

I turned all the lights out except the for the Christmas trees and with the fire glowing I was enjoying complete bliss.

This is my very favorite nativity scene, the last one my husband and I purchased together on our last Christmas we shared together.

My Dining Room Table

At the end of a emotional long day I made biscuits and they were so good with my clam chowder....perfect for a snowy day don't you think?

Now I have decorated most of the main floor....did I mention I have a Christmas clock which plays a Christmas song as the hand touches each new hour of the day...needless to say I was awaken last night with these beautiful tunes....note to self, turn off music when I go to bed.

Good Night and God Bless and many, many hugs to you all especially my dear friend Diana who is so close to my heart tonight.......:-)


Silver said...

i feel warm inside just reading through your i was there with you looking at all the momentos and this tree. It's really pretty.


RNSANE said...

Dear Bernie,

I cried so much, reading this post, my eyes will be puffy as I go out tonight to hear my favorite jazz piano player who is accompanying a hot Latin singer, Valeriana Quevedo. When you decide to come out of a slump, my dear one, you do it in style. Your home is so beautiful. I wish I could see it in person. I cannot tell you how sad I am for the losses in your life. So far, I have not had to face that kind of pain, thank God. I am just glad you had a wonderful husband and that you shared so much happiness with him.

I am sad, also, about your friend's loss of her mother, especially at this season of the year. That is always so hard.

My warmest love to you, Bernie.

Sleep warm and content.

Barb said...

Hi Bernie, I just read of D's loss and feel very sad for her, too. Though you've endured terrible sadness and losses, you've managed also to retain wonderful memories. It takes time - as you attest - but I'm glad you can now enjoy the happiness these items evoke for you. Your home looks warm, cozy, and inviting with the glow from the tree and the fire. I see you even have Santas marching across your stove top! Enjoy all the Holidays have to offer you, Bernie.

Teacher's Pet said...

I am so happy on this sad day. How can that be. Happy and sad?
Bernie...what joy filled my heart as I read your post about embracing Christmas this year...putting up the tree...loving the memories that the ornaments bring....the tree brings...the nativity...the memories, Bernie...the memories. I know that if you can feel the warmth and love of Christmas with all that you've been through, then that gives all of who read your lovely blog more than an incentive to embrace the love that we share...with those we have with us..and remember the wonderful times we've shared with those that have gone on before us.
Your tree beside your fire is inviting. I wish I lived closer. I would love to sit with you there. What a treasured friend you are to so many people. May God continue to fill you with His sweet comfort.
You have comforted me through this post. Prayers to Diana as she faces her first Christmas without her dear Mother.

Wanda said...

Hi Bernie, Diana is on all of our minds today, wouldn't it be nice if it were possible to be there with her. It's terribly sad.

But...I like how you braved a blizzard to get your tree! It's really pretty by the fireplace!

Christmas does bring on bittersweet memories, but I'm glad you put up your tree and found joy in doing it. Your modern and traditional Nativity Scenes look nice back to back on your table. I have a clock which plays Christmas songs too that I love, Bernie. I wonder if they are alike. Mine is the size of a large dinner plate, with a dark green border.

Enjoy the tree by your cozy fire and have a good week Bernie.

Eileen said...

Beautiful post, Bernie.

And I love how you write you were ready to celebrate as you once did. I think we all find ways to protect our hearts, and sometimes finding new ways of celebrating rather than traditional means are a way of helping our hearts heal. And the going back to greet memories and cry over them is also a way of healing. Your home looks beautiful, Bernie, and I'm so happy you took the time to share it all with us.
I really do feel like it's a little visit to your home with you, and tonight especially, I thank you for opening your home and your heart to us. I think we all need that sisterhood.
God Bless Diana and be with her and her family.
And God Bless you, Bernie.
Love to you,

Anvilcloud said...

Your tree and everything looks great. I'm glad you've been able to move on. I don't know if I could. You must be a strong lady.

Bernie said...

Silver, I know you know how I feel and how leaving it for so long was the right thing for me to do but now it's time to move forward, you will reach the same point in your life my friend.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Carmen, please don't cry, be happy for me as I feel very pleased with myself (humbly) and my home. I will spending 4 days with my nephew and his family as is good my friend and I want you to enjoy your holidays with much love.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hi Barb, with all the snow outside and the warmth inside I feel very blessed....I still need to bake cookies and cranberry loaves but I am enjoying the season very much. Hugs to you my friend.....:-)

Bernie said...

Jackie, I would love it if you lived close by and could share my fire.....I know it would be fun.
Life goes on my friend and we either choose to embrace it or let it pass us by, I want to live my life fully before I go softly into the night....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Wanda, I have been thinking of you so much is nice to have the tree up again, I really am enjoying the way my house looks all ready for Christmas...the way it should be really.
My clock is the size of a large dinner plate but it is red, I almost bet they are the same (I'll e-mail you a picture)
I think we all are hurting for our friend Diana very sad at any time but I am sure it must be harder during the Christmas season....Luv ya... big hugs to
Miss Alivia.....:-)

Bernie said...

Eileen, I feel the same way as you. I felt you were sharing your beautiful home with us and oh how lovely your decorations are. I could of done my bannister with garland, lights and red bows but it took me 8 hours just doing my main floor and I have a small condo/townhouse. It was fun and I am looking forward to spending Christmas at my nephew's especially with the children.
Did you get my e-mail, I have been worrieed about you as I know how close you are to Diana...we all love her and hold her in our hearts....Hugs to Jayden and Mia always......:-)

Bernie said...

A/C I don't think I am that strong really as it's been 8 years since I have decorated for Christmas, I only know my loved ones I lost would want me to be happy and I could feel their love as I decorated and sung along to the Carpenter's.....hope you are feeling better......:-) Hugs

Karin said...

Not sure how I got to your blog, but have been really touched by your warm and caring posts. Have a blessed Christmas! We shared the same blizzard here in Edmonton!

Bernie said...

Karin, I am not sure how you arrived either but I am so glad for your visit.....we shared the same blizzard because I live in Morninville. Thank you for your kind words and I do hope you come back soon.....:-) Hugs

Midlife Jobhunter said...


Lovely post. Such an inviting scene at your home this Christmas. I'm so glad you brought it all out. (Made me feel a tad guilty for thinking how much work it was today to cut the tree, get out all the boxes, set it all up -- with the help of my husband and youngest son.) I'd love to have a cup of tea or chocolate with you next to your beautiful tree, nativities and fire. Remembering the ornaments - probably the most fun. So glad you felt the joy of bringing Christmas out again. Take good care.

Bernie said...

Julie, thank you and I wish you could stop in for a glass of wine, I would like that.
I am very happy to finally break another barrier, it all takes time but it just feels so free when I jump another hurdle....glad you got your tree today....:-) Hugs

Granny on the Web said...

... such bittersweet memories Bernie, a lovely post.

Love Granny

Anonymous said...

Dear Bernie,
Your post was lovely as always. You are lovely!

cinner said...

Bernie, I am so sorry about your friends mom, it is so very sad at any time of year. Bernie I am so proud of you for putting up your tree and all your beautiful memories. You are such a loving and caring person. I am sad at all the loss in your life. I am glad it brought you joy to see all your treasures. You know you inspire me in a lot of ways. Big hug my friend.

Valerie said...

Like Silver, I felt I was there with you. I am so pleased you transformed your lovely house with happy memories. You are blessed and we are all blessed by knowing you. Hugs for you from me.

Diana said...

Hi Bernie,
I am so happy that you decided to decorate. I haven't been visiting any blogs as there has been a lot to do but I am alright. Just very, very numb. I emailed you.
LOve Di

GrandmaK said...

I can truly feel the warmth and glow in your welcoming home. I remember how hard it was to be "joyful" for Christmas the year Ron lost his Dad (December 13). There is never a good time to lose a loved one, but at this time of year it is especially hard. My prayer and best wishes to you and all! Cathy

Tamara said...

My Dearest Bernie,

I share your joy in once again celebrating the season. How I love visiting your blog - it almost feels like "home".

Hugs to you,

Blessings each day said...

What a beautiful job you did, Bernie, lovely and loving decorating. It's funny that I have thought of you as persevering no matter what so I was surprised that you hadn't decorated in so many years. The first two Christmases after losing my beloved hubby are a blur and my children did the decorating...I think I was only there in body.

Holidays are so very tough and our Consolation group this year has a special session for coping with the holidays and I attended one back in Phoenix when I saw it at another Catholic church...God leads us in so many directions for getting and giving comfort, doesn't He?

Thank you for sharing your beautiful memories, sweet Bernie!

blessings and memorable hugs,


Rebecca said...

Those eight years w/o decorations have culminated in a very warm and sweet memorial to those whose lives and loves you have shared. Good for you, Bernie! I pray that the sights and sounds, the music and the memories will bubble over in one of the most memorable Christmas seasons you have ever experienced. The words of one carol repeat these words, "O tidings of COMFORT AND JOY, COMFORT AND JOY...." May both be yours in ways you can't imagine--and with our special friend with her fresh grief.

Eileen said...

Hi, Bernie ~
I never did get your email. Sometimes all my email goes into 'Advertisements' but I searched there too and nothing.
This email has been giving me trouble lately though. Thanks for thinking of me.

I'm trying so hard to be 'up' for Jayden and Ray today, and it is a happy time of year, so I'm sure I'll get caught up in it, but I just have such a heavy heart right now.
I just feel so much for Di and what she's going through right now. So sad.

I'll be back on Wednesday.
Take care.
Love you,

jinksy said...

You did a grand job with that tree - and I guess there won't be too many needles to sweep up when its gone, unlike the other variety!

glnroz said...

Ohhh Myyy :)

Bernie said...

Granny, thank you and all is well right now.......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

ED, thank you for your kind words, and I think you are pretty special as well......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

cinner, thank you for every one of your kind words. I am well and finally am enjoying my favorite holiday again.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Val, I feel very blessed and oh I do love my blogger friends...Hugs

Bernie said...

Diana, don't worry about visiting any blogs....we all understand and love you very much. All of the village have such sad and heavy hearts for you.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Cathy, with the support of family and friends and my faith I have managed to overcome many hurdles.
God has been very good to me and with him by my side I have learned to be joyful again.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Tamara, thank you and I do love you
visiting my blog....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Marcy, everyone thinks I am so resilient and I am but I have had to work very hard to persevere many times in my faith has always carried me through and I am so thankful I have it.
I don't have your e-mail address Marcy, asked Eileen to forward an e-mail to you (please send it to me okay)
Love you......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Rebecca, I love your post and I love your are always so uplifting and I feel your faith with all you say and do. Have a wonderful day my friend and stay warm.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Eileen, not sure why you didn't receive my e-mail, I really hope you received this mornings as Di asked me to let you know about her, and I want you to forward it to Marcy.
All our hearts are heavy for Diana but she would want us to do all we can to enjoy the holidays and make them pleasant for our families which I know you will do. I knew you would be very upset for Di, that is why I e-mailed yesterday, I was worried about you.
Love you, big hugs to Jayden and Mia......:-)

Bernie said...

Jinsky, absolutely no needles, I had forgotten how easy it was to put a tree that is pre-lit. Thank you and I think it looks nice as well....I use to love decorating for Christmas and even doing my main floor this year was refreshing and very rewarding.
......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Glen, thank you for visiting, have a great day......:-) Hugs

Anonymous said...

Well Bernie, I remember reading your beautiful post yesterday, but looks like I didn't leave a comment. Oh I know what happened. I went over to my other blog to see if I had identified you as a WOW and yes I had. So I was thinking yesterday, this is truly a WOW. I love your new picture. You are a lovely woman. I am so glad we have our blog fiends to share with. Blessings. WOW again.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Hi Bernie
I have left a comment with Diana and I am very sad.
Also I am so pleased you are able to decorate the tree again and feel that long lost feeling of warmth.
I found your post very moving and it left me with a lump in my throat.
What a kind lady you are, Bernie, you deserve lots of happiness.
Life has been very unkind to you and I ask God to please bless you.

Finally, Bernie I have managed to get round to posting the CD - the delay was getting a second one ready on my computer so bothare on their way to you with my love.
Thank you for your kind comment at my place - gosh 2 hours to read through all the play!! What stamina you have LOL

quieten said...

So awfully sorry to her about your friend's mom. My heart goes out to her and to you, too.
I am so glad you decorated for christmas this year. You warm everyone else's heart with your love and caring. it's nice to know that you are warming your own heart this year and taking joy in the season and in the good memories you've made through the years. Your tree is really beautiful and the photo of the tree, the glowing fire and all the decorations made me want to curl up in the chair and share some hot toddy and fun girl talk with you. :-)
Huggz and love,

Bernie said...

Peggy I posted your WOW pin a long time ago and I am very proud you gave it to me......Thank you sweetie for your kinds words, have a great day......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Eddie, thank you for posting the CD, I am very thankful.
It may seem life has been unkind but really Eddie I have been so very blessed in mnay ways and then tested in other ways.
So glad you finally made it over my way and I enjoyed your play very, very much......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Quieten, thank you for your lovely words, I wish you could sit by the fire and have a heart to heart as well. I know how rough it is for you right now but I also know after much time you will become even stronger than you are now... as always my prayers are with you and George......:-) Hugs

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Dearest Bernie, I'm not supposed to be out and about today...but I saw that you had posted, and you had not posted in several days when I came by on Saturday...Your home is so beautiful...and I can well imagine that it was a bittersweet are a wise, wonderful, and courageous lady...and I admire you so much!!! Thanks for sharing've given me encouragement through your strength as I face my own holiday memories, and griefs. Love you so much! Janine XO

Bernie said...

Janine, the holidays can be bitter sweet when we have lost a loved one but I know they would want us to carry on ..... so carry on I will and I am actually enjoying myself.....luv you....:-) Hugs

Rose Marie Raccioppi said...

Each memory shared, each object treasured, each photo taken, has delivered a most special Christmas package directly to my heart. With such honestly and care you have taken me into your home and into the embrace of this most beautiful season of love.

Sincere condolences for the loss your friend has of her mother. Prayers for her everlasting peace.

Thank you for who you are, a most loving friend.

Much love,
Rose Marie

Bernie said...

Rose Marie, thank you for your very kind words, and I thank you from Diana, my friend who lost her mother, our village is very sad for her right now...your visit has really picked me up.....:-) hugs

Garnetrose said...

This was a wonderful post, Bernie. I am so glad you decorated this year. I will be decorating at the end of the week. The whole place looks lovely. God bless you, my friend.

Bernie said...

Garnet, so glad you stopped over, how are you?
I am happy that I decorated as well, will you post pictures when you do your tree?
Hope your friend is doing better Garnet......God Bless....:-)

wendyytb said...

O Bernie.... What wonderful memories that you have! Your LR looks beautiful!

You are such a strong lady!! I hope that I can face adversity in the same manner as you do....with strength and grace.

Big hugs!

Bernie said...

This is absolutely a gorgeous post. The pictures are beautiful and your house looks most inviting. But most of all the courage and strength of the author is what makes it such an inspiration to all who read it. I loved it.

I am sorry for your friend and also sorry about your losses. I did not know about them before. May God continue to give you strength and courage to live such a warm loving life and encourage so many of your friends to do the same.

Beautiful. Love to you.

Bernie said...

Wendy, I think we are all strong, we just don't know when we have to use that strength, my faith helped me so much.....thank you for your kind words.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Bernie, your kind words brought tears to my eyes.....thank you.

I have had a rough few years but I am now again ready to join everyone with a heart full of the Spirit of Christmas.

Take care Bernie and I hope Jim is helping you with your preparations for Christmas.....:-) Hugs

Snowbrush said...

Well, Bernie, that's just pretty damn touching. Your heart has been purified and your spirit strengthened by losses that would have killed many of us--me included, I should think--and my hat is off to you, my dear.

I baked biscuits--along with cornbread, crackers, and lots and lots of pancakes--just yesterday in preparation for my upcoming surgery.

Bernie said...

Hey Snow, thank you for visiting and your kind words....we all do what we need too I guess.
Good Luck with your surgery, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
......:-) Hugs

The Retired One said...

Oh are absolutely right when you said "they would want me to be happy". I am SO glad you did the decorating and dragged out all of your decorations to relive memories.
It looks stunning.
You are right to surround yourself with these decorations as it surrounds you with their love.

Bernie said...

Joan, hello my dear friend. Yes it is really nice to have my house decorated again....I waited too long really but it felt right this year.
Hope you are enjoying Florida will I sit by the fire in an Arctic Freeze.....Luv ya....:-) Hugs

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Just stopping by to give you a warm hug!! Love you, Janine xx

Bernie said...

Janine, hug recieved thank you and here's one right back at you.
......:-) Hugs

Maggie May said...

You are a very brave lady.
No wonder you are so empathetic because you know what it is like........ other peoples' suffering.
I am glad that you felt that you could put up the tree & decorate again.
I hope you find solace this Christmas. Peace, my friend.

Nuts in May

Linda Higgins said...

Hello Bernie, I am joining as a follower as we have many friends in common! I too am so sad for our friend Di. I loved your post today and so happy that you put your tree up after 8 years. I can just see you sitting next to the fireplace smiling and sipping your favorite beverage. I am smiling too.

Bernie said...

Maggie May, how are you? Perhaps you are right, I do think of everyone's pain as they go through a rough time as you name it and I have been there.....I just want them to know that they can and will survive whatever the situation they may not work out the way we want it too but it does work out somehow......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Linda, welcome...I will pop over for a visit soon. We do have some wonderful friends don't we...Hugs

Wanda said...

Hi Bernie...Just stopped by to say hello and read all of your comments and replies...and look at your beautiful tree again! ;)


Bernie said...

Hi Wanda, you are welcome anytime my friend, will e-mail later today.
Big hugs to Alivia......:-)

Kay said...

how warm my heart, Merry Christmas!

Bernie said...

Hi Kay, it is much warmer inside than Christmas so very much.......:-) Hugs

Tranquility Speaks said...

The Christmas decorations are beyond beautiful. This isn't something that we do here in my home, so absorbing the sights feels so warm and good :-)

When your family sees all this from up above they will be so happy. My eyes have moistened as I write this. They will be so so glad to see you strong and face everything. Next year will be easier Bernie. It is again my honor and privilege to know the person that you are personally. Being you isn't easy, but in more ways than you know it, you give each of us to be strong and see the good in everything.

I am so very sad for Diana's loss. The pain must be unbearable! I wish the good Lord grants her strength and grace

Bernie said...

Stillness, thank you for your beautiful words, it was an emotional day but well worth it as I am now enjoying the benefit of my decorated home and opening it to others is wonderful....:-) Hugs