Wednesday, April 14, 2010

We Can Only Do Our Best.....Then Let It Go

Dear Friends,

It is so good to be back with you, I am not feeling 100% yet but I am better for which I am very thankful. I had to deal with a bit more than what I thought was flu but what is important here is that I am on the feel good road now. I need one more IV and hopefully my thyroid and potassium levels will be normal and I will be able to get moving again. I am so looking forward to being outside, although our weather hasn't been great lately it is suppose to be absolutely gorgeous this weekend.

You know while I was sick I would manage to visit a few blogs and sometimes add comments. I saved my energy mostly (not always) to comment on those post where I thought perhaps I could help. There was this one blog I followed which I found very sad. A blogger (from the UK) mother is dying, the daughter along with outside health care workers are helping her mother go through the dying process. The daughter's anger showed in every post. I felt her anger through my screen, she resented any decision her mother made on her own behalf, she resented having to take time out of her day to care for her mother be it a bit of shopping, making a cup of tea or piece of toast or do a load of laundry.....she seemed to resent everything about her mother and her mother's illness, I especially noticed her resentment for what she perceived was a lack of help from her brother. My heart ached for the mother, the daughter well for the whole situation really. I had been commenting for awhile when I received an e-mail expressing that I did not know her, her situation and that she didn't appreciate my comments. This came after I had advised her that things could turn around quickly and perhaps she should put off her vacation for a while. Her mother had not been eating or drinking for several days and the nurses were trying to arrange a bed for her in hospice care. In my heart I didn't want her mother to pass when she was away on vacation, I thought she may feel guilty by not being there......well I very wrong. I learned a lesson from this experience, that even though some people blog and put their feelings and what they are dealing with out there in blogsville it doesn't mean they want any feedback especially feedback that may not agree with their line of thinking. If you agree with them.....that's okay......but if you disagree well don't tell them or you are going to get an earful. Did it bother me?....Honestly no it didn't. I know I tried and I also know my heart's intention was to support this lady. Would I do it again, of course I would, it is what I do. Will I return to her blog to do it, motto is and has always been "do no harm", I learned a long time ago that you cannot help anyone who doesn't want to be helped. Some people just enjoy complaining, thinking they deserve praise and sympathy for doing what they should be doing anyway. Also, I am not perfect, I make mistakes and I may be wrong in making any kind of suggestion ....just because I think she should be there in case her mother needed/wanted her there when she passed away.... well the daughter is right, I do not know anything about their situation really. I only know what she blogged about, in fact I only commented on what she had blogged about. I did e-mail her and apologized for her being upset with what I had suggested and assured her that I would continue praying and would not offer any more advice on her situation, I will respect and be more sensitive of her feelings. I am giving a speech next week on dealing with chronic pain and terminal illness, this experience has given me many power points too use and hopefully it will help someone else in how to share their feelings during similar crisis. In the meantime I will continue to pray for this family as I know from experience this situation will get much worse before it gets better. A heart without love and empathy but filled with anger and resentment is a heart that needs many prayers and much healing,.....what is even sadder after several months of blogging I was one of only 3 who followed her and I was the only one who ever commented. I use to wonder why the other two never commented, perhaps together we could of supported this poor lady.

I know I have enjoyed and learned from every comment I have ever received, I always appreciated someone making the effort to show me they cared, and that included even those who didn't agree with me but helped me see another point of view. Those who follow me know I respond to others with my heart, I am not always right but I always have love in my heart with my truth of how I see a situation. I believe in honesty, loyalty and respect and sometime say some things that may not be pleasant to hear but needs to be said.

The Stanley Cup Play-offs started tonight, in fact I am going back and forth between 2 channels trying to keep up with both games.....and what about that Phil Michelson winning the Masters on the weekend....were you like me.....I had tears in my eyes as he hugged his wife Amy after his win. Good things happen to good people and I loved it. I still am a fan of Tiger's golf game and I do hope his game and his life will become balanced and me he is one of the greatest athletes to ever play the game. I am so thankful I get to watch these talented people.

Hope you are all doing well and enjoying beautiful Spring weather.....I plan on it this weekend in fact I can't wait.

God Bless and .......many, many hugs :-)


Karin said...

I'm so glad that you followed your heart and the Holy Spirit's prompting to comment on that gal's blog. You have done your part and it will be used either to change her or to confirm her in her choice of NOT to change her heart.

So glad you are feeling better! I got an IV of magnesium and one of potassium too while I was in the hospital. You take care and get well completely! God bless!

Silver said...

While i was reading through your post, i felt sympathetic for the daughter..because i do know how very difficult it must be to care for the sick..every bit of your energy will be sapped and you will be totally drained because it's not just the amount of sacrifice the carer has to put in but, the emotional side of things that will be hard to explain during that difficult period..

But as i read on further.. i am convinced that i would have advised her (the daughter) precisely as you did..

Guilt is a heavy burden that no one deserves to bear after someone has passed on.. and there is always so much room left for regrets which are really better used for something more productive, but many will find that it is not a trip they can end that easily.

Anyway, it is true, people blog for all kinds of reasons.. you have done what you thought was right. I'm sorry you had an earful... and i am glad you are a lot stronger to be upset by it.

.. but what a pity, really.. for both the mother and the daughter.


Denise said...

I love you sweetie, you have been very much in my prayers. I have missed you,and I am so happy that you are feeling better. Bless you for trying to show kindness to that girl, some people just refuse to accept the truth from anyone. Please take care.

Barb said...

Bernie, I was wondering if you were still not feeling up to par. I surely hope you have this episode of illness (which sounds serious to me) under control. Rest, eat well, and breathe the fresh air.
Grief and its attendant fear sometimes make people do incomprehensible things. Unfortunately, regret can't be mitigated after the fact. It's true that we don't know the whole story on a Blog - however, we respond to what has been shared. That's usually the way it works - at least for me.

Sending you a smile - feel better soon, Bernie!

chasity said...

hope you are feeling much better dear bernie.
you will be happy to know that the cancer on shauna's spine has decreased significantly and they are going to do radiation on her adrenal bed next.
thank you sooooo soooo much for your continued prayers.
god is always listening.

love you ~


Katherine said...

Hello Bernie...
What you say is true..You can only help those that want to be helped.
You acted in good faith & good intentions and you have nothing to feel guilty for.
Some people just seem to live inwardly, drowning in self pity, and you are not this kind of person from what I can see.
To reach out, as you have, is a wonderful thing and not all people would have reacted as this young woman did. Some people would have been grateful for the advice, even if they didn't agree with it. Just to know that someone else has given them a thought...can make a big difference.
I wish for you a full & quick recovery Bernie. Take Care!

jinksy said...

Any one who objected to your kind comments, Bernie, must be truly hard hearted!
I must just add, personally I enjoy a bit of healthy criticism, as it helps to give me a different perspective on things, which is mostly a plus!

Bernie said...

Karin, thank you sweetie, I have one more IV to get on Friday. I have my days and nights mixed up now so am looking forward to getting back on schedule.
I am praying for that family, I do not like any type of anger or bitterness at all, but I know and God knows I have done my best now I must let it go.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Silver, I am not sure but I do believe her anger is much deeper than that of a care giver who is losing someone they love. I could be wrong but it is the feeling I have. Be well my friend....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Denise, thank you God has heard your prayers for I am feeling better. I am praying very hard for that family who is filled with pain....Hugs

Liz said...

Hi Bernie. I'm pleased to hear you are on the mend and feeling better. You always come accross as a very caring person and maybe the daughter was too upset to see that. It is very hard work looking after someone so ill and maybe she wasn't coping very well with it all. You offered support and advise that maybe she wasn't ready to accept.
I do feel that if you have a public blog and write about such things then you shouldn't really complain about any comments you get.
You did you bit to try and help and I'm sure your prayers will help, even if she doesn't realise it just now.

I hope that you have a wonderful day and enjoy your sports. Hugs x

Bernie said...

Hello dear Barb, I am so happy you are doing so well....I have a ways to go yet but I will get there.
I know I have done what I felt was best and my heart was true so I have to accept that this lady needs much more help than I am qualified to give, I will keep that family in my prayers though.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

chas, I just had to e-mail you right away as your note to me has lifted my spirts so high, I am just so happy for Shauna. I am keeping her in my heart and prayers every day Chas, every day for sure.......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Katherine, thank you sweetie. I am slowly getting back to my normal self. This lady who is losing her mother is a concern but I know she has to accept the support offered, sometimes the truth is very painful to hear......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

jinsky, I too appreciate it when someone helps me to see things in a different perspective....I know I did my best and I will continue to pray for them.....they will have to go through so much, I hope they will find support somewhere.
Luv ya.......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Liz, how goes the gym sweetie. Yes I am feeling better and I am thankful for that.
The lady was certainly stressed Liz but I have been commenting since January and she has never said anything before....I just feel so badly for all of them, life is so short to carry that much anger and bitterness. Perhaps it is just me but I would much prefer to share my pain then turn it into a pit of misery that will be so deep to crawl out of especially when she seems so alone.
..........:-) Hugs

Brian Miller said...

hey there! so glad to hear you are doing better. i am glad you spoke your mind. too many tongues get held and then we wonder why our community and families get to be in the shape they are in. just do it in love, but now just dust off your sandals. no big deal. i ike that attitude. hope you have a wonderful day today!!

Anvilcloud said...

I think some people actually enjoy their misery in some sort of perverse way. I must say that you are much more sanguine about her bad attitude than I would be.

Maggie May said...

Oh Bernie...... my heart went out to you because of the things that woman said and the way she feels about her mother, who she will miss when she has passed away. More than she will ever know.
You are such a good, kind encourager and it is upsetting to see people treat you this way. I should imagine that the vast majority of people who know you through the internet can only be helped and appreciate what you do for them.
I certainly do.

Sorry to hear you've had a rough time and sincerely hope you are picking up now.

Nuts in May

Renee' said...

Good Morning Bernie,
I am so happy that you are feeling better.
Im sure she did not mean to be mean, she is under alot of stress, (Huggs) to you for being there for them.

Cinner said...

Dear Bernie, it is very unfortunate this situation. you did the right thing by offering your advise. And I know it was out of love which is how you have always been since I have met you. It is a shame at the end of life that you feel this way....emotions do strange things, and your right we can only do our best, then let it go....I am sorry to hear you were not feeling well. I am hoping you will feel great by Friday. my plan is to be outside as much as I can and enjoy this great weather. take care, hugs to you, praying for your health too.

KKSC2NC said...

Welcome back! You were missed.

I think you did the right thing by extending your thoughts and advice to the daughter. I feel if someone is going to post their feelings etc. and alow others to comments then they must accept what others have to say. If we all agreed on every situation I feel this would be a very boring world we live in.

My motto is to welcome one ever said you had to accept it. If you don't agree then just set it aside.

I am glad you are feeling better. I watched the Master's too. I am not a Phil Michelson fan but I am a fan of the game and to me any win is a deserved win. It was wonderful to see his family out there. I can't believe how the kids have grown over the years. His wife was simple beautiful.

Hope you have a wonderful day!

Twain12 said...

I hope you feel a lot better soon.
Maybe once it is all over this lady will see things a bit more clearly, i think you handled yourself well.

Wander to the Wayside said...

I wouldn't have expected anything less from you Bernie, as far as your comments and advice to the woman. And I agree with you that something else was going on, either family dynamics or a very dysfunctional mother/daughter relationship that goes way back to childhood. One just never knows, though I think the spectre of death trumps everything else because of it's finality and the end to the dysfunctional relationship, a time to put old enemies to rest for once and all, a chance to end things on a good note instead of a bitter one.

Did I miss something about your hospital stay that you posted about? I often have low potassium myself because I pee so much, or after a particularly bad stomach virus, but have never had to have IV. I also have thyroid problems, but am curious if that contributed to your being in the hospital or was just coincidental? (You can email me with an answer if you want!)

Keep up with your sincere comments, Bernie - I look forward to them when I post, and enjoy reading them on other blogs!

Diana said...

Good Morning Bernie!
Well quite frankly I think that you should never get sick! I don't like it! And that's my opinion!
As far as that other blogger goes, you did what you thought was right and that's what is important. I would have done the same thing. You know me, I'll say what I think is right. What more can we do.
I also think that if you are going to take offense from what one says than don't put it out there, that's it, that's all I got. Get Better! That's an order! Love Di ♥

Wanda said...

Bernie, your suggestions were motivated by a caring concern... hopefully you are showing yourself such loving as Barb, eat well and breathe in fresh air. We need you well!

Even though the daughter responded as she did, surely you placed a thought that may make a difference in their lives and she realizes her future regrets would be very heavy to bare.

Her responce is most likely from guilt she is already feeling, guilt she's not aware of even, anger directed to others is often about ourselves and our own failures.

Love to you Bernie!

glnroz said...

Ms Bernie,, I always appreciate you comments,,, they may be different from my opinion, but that does mean I dont agree somewhat,, and enjoy them.. Pls keep them coming, and I am glad you are feelin better....

anne h said...

The title to you post says it all...
Do our best, and let it go!

wendyytb said...

Hi Bernie!

I sure hope that you soon feel better! I will say a prayer for YOU!

A friend of mine used to say that "old heads are not borne on young bodies." It sounds like the blogger you spoke about has some life lessons to learn... Alas, some people never learn, except from the school of hard knocks.

I think that you were very kind in your offer of advice...


Gail said...


Oh my, I am SO sorry that the grieving woman could not "hear" your hearts pure intention. Some times folks are so involved with their anger or other emotions and they need to stay in it until, well, until....ya know? And as they say in metaphor, "when the student is ready the teacher appears". Clearly, she is not ready.

Meanwhile, enjoy your golf and celebrate all that is wonderful. I hope you are healing nicely and well on your way to full recovery. Spring is springing :-)

Love you my friend

Valerie said...

I too have been on sick leave, Bernie, so I wasn't aware that you weren't well. I do hope you're feeling a lot better now.
I was interested to read about your experience with the UK family. Sometimes blogging is used as a tool with which to slate everything, that being the only way they know to alleviate the inner stress. It wouldn't work for me. I'm one of those people who clam up and refuse to air problems. I once worked with a girl who had a lot of hang-ups; I tried to help and got blasted for what she thought of as interfering. Nowadays I tend to hold back until I'm sure of my ground. I do hope the girl gets through this without causing too much damage to her mental state.

Linda Higgins said...

Bernie you are such a sweet heart. She may not realize it now, but hopefully she will later, that you were only speaking form experience and from the heart. When my mother-in-law passed away 2 years ago and was in hospice I was so blessed to be there at her bedside. Her daughter was on a plane to Hawaii knowing full well she would pass away. She has no regrets about it. I always wondered what kind of vacation she had during that time in paradise and wondered how she felt not being here for her mothers funeral. I ended up taking care of most everything and got a lot of riff about it from other family members. But I don't care...I know I was a peace and I know my mother-in-law appreciated my presence during her last few days. Sad...really sad isn't it for that young lady.

Victor S E Moubarak said...

I'm so glad you're well again.

Praise the Lord.

At last, I can get off my knees. I've been praying for you and my knees hurt !!!

God bless.

Liz said...

The gym is going great thanks but I think I need to borrow Samuel's MP3 player as I don't "Get" the music that's playing. Give me some good old 80s New Romantic anyday :0)

Bernie said...

Hi Brian, all is getting better I am happy to well my friend.......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

A/C, I'm pretty easy going anyway, I still feel bad for that family. To be that miserable must be a horrible way to live....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Maggie, how are you feeling? I thought of you yesterday when they were trying to put my IV in, it really stung.
Not to worry Maggie, that poor lady and her daughter have many problems of which I am the least. I will continue to pray for them as they seem so unhappy....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Renee, yes she is under stress but I also feel it is her personality to be unhappy and yes even mean. It is just the way some people are, they need our prayers....Hugs

Bernie said...

Hi Cinner, you know these kind of people make me appreciate all the wonderful people in my sad when some are so miserable. I wouldn't change a thing about my life so I am blessed. We should keep praying for this lady and her family, luv ya......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

KKSC2NC - I think we all try to help and support each other. Some people are more receptive than others, I am okay with it, what I am not okay with is the fact they are so unhappy, now that does bother me. I have learned though I cannot fix everything.....just try to understand and pray lots...Hugs

Bernie said...

Twain12, thank you sweetie. How are you doing? I hope I will be my old self soon.......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Linda, I have e-mailed you. I honestly do feel there were many things going on in this situation that were not discussed. No one could be that angry and bitter over an illness, I think probably something has been going on for years......her brother seems the only one not angry, just going about his business doing whatever he could then going this is a family who needs our prayers........:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Diana, I don't think I ever should get sick either, I am so tired of it all. Actually felt better last night than I do today, all will be well eventually my friend.
You know me Di, I put what is in my heart out there, if it helps okay if it doesn't I know it was my best and I also know my best may not be someone else's....there are many people who know much more than I do........:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Wanda, I was going to e-mail you last night but fell asleep. I am seeing Dr. John next week and I have another IV tomorrow so I will know more then anyway.
I am okay with this lady situation, as I know I was only trying to help, when it is not my problem sometime the best thing to do is just give it back. I will keep praying though, big hugs to Alivia....luv ya......:-)

Bernie said...

glnroz, I have missed you as well. Hopefully I will get all my energy back and we do some constructive battle again....I love a good debate or discussion with respect. It is fun.........:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

anneh - absolutely sweetie, no better way to handle any situation is there........:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

wendy, isn't that the truth, this family certainly needs our prayers for sure........:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Gail, I am fine, I just feel sorry for that family. No one should live in such anger and miserary but as A/C says some people just seem to enjoy it that way...ewwwww.
Stay well my friend......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Val, so sorry to learn you have not been well, it is horrible isn't it. Let's hope we are both over the worst of it.
Oh Val I am always sticking my foot in where I shouldn't....I do it with a good heart but it doesn't necessarily mean I am right but I keep doing it anyway. I really do care about people.
.........:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Linda, some people are unable to deal with death other than with anger but to go away on vacation.. I am not sure how they could even enjoy themselves. I know we are all different and I am glad about that as I wouldn't be able to live in a state of anger or bitterness all the time, neither can you Linda, it is just not the way we are.........:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Oh Victor, thank you for yor prayers. I am so sorry your knees hurt so I will say a prayer for you one of thankfulness and the other that your knees feel better soon........:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Liz, I have my own Ipod filled with music I love, I don't understand a lot of the music today but the young people love it.
Big hugs sweetie........:-0

Bernie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
veterankindergartenteacher said...

Sweet, sweet Bernie,

Your loving heart is why I linked to your blog today. I will pray for that woman to have a change of heart. Never worry about any words you leave on mine....I see your heart and I cherish your comments...constructive criticism is how we learn to grow!

Eileen said...

Yes, Bernie, Phil winning was a bright spot for sure! I'm not a big sports fan at all, but Ray LOVES it all and golf especially, so I followed along and was so happy to see him win. A Blessing his family could use right about now!

As for the blogger who emailed you, well, with my parents situation I could not see myself having made plans that would take me away from them, but I was Blessed to have a very loving relationship with my parents.
We have no way of knowing this woman's situation and even if the mother was very loving, sometimes that makes no difference.
There is a member of our family that I love and adore, but I will never understand her reaction to her parents aging, sickness, and dying process. She retired and moved thousands of miles away, asked my husband to take over the care of her parents for her, and said she didn't have to feel guilty because he was doing her part, so her brother and sister could have nothing to say. Now these parents of hers were wonderful to her, they were two loving people who were dearly loved and still missed greatly to this day by the whole family, and they are both gone over twenty-five years now. It was mind-boggling to us.
Who knows why people do the things they do or react the way they react, Bernie?

And I know my husband and I, and my sister and her husband got sick of hearing, "I don't want to remember him this way", or "It hurts me to see her suffering like that" about our loved ones. I wanted to say, "Oh, yeah, and we love seeing them suffer, yes, this is how we want to remember Mom, like a crazy lunatic, yelling, and cursing, and hitting us."
I don't get people, Bernie, and I never will. I don't even try anymore. All I try to do (but usually fail miserably) is I try not to judge them by their asinine comments. I guess in their minds that's a perfectly rational excuse, and I guess in their minds, it didn't bother my husband, my brother-in-law, my sister, or myself to witness my parents mental and physical deterioration.

You were good to try, Bernie, it's all we can do.

I'm glad to hear your are doing better, but sad to hear that you've been having such a tough time of it.
'Hope you are feeling 100% SOON!
Love and Prayers,

Bernie said...

vkt, thank you for your kind words. I always appreciate other people's opinion as do most of my friends. Takes all kinds for sure, I still believe this family needs our prayers......have a wonderful day sweetie.......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Eileen, it is strange how some people react isn't it. I am baffled at times by what some people do or even don't do....we mustn't judge them, they do have their feelings which we don't understand probably never will. I don't know how some of them sleep at night but I do know I pray for this family as they really are a hurting unit.
I was happy for Phil and his family after such a rough year, both his wife and mother with breast cancer....doesn't get much rougher than that, he did so well and I'm sure it was more for her than him.......big hugs to Jayden and Mia......:-)

Garnetrose said...

You are an amazing woman, Bernie. You don't have to care about people but you do and the world is a better place because of people like you.

I, too felt sympathy for the daughter. I went through that when my mother was dying and I was angry about some things but tried not to let it affect my relationships with others. It is hard to do. I don't know if the girl had siblings to help care with the care or not. I had no help and had to place her in a home.

I hope you get to feeling better, Bernie. God bless you.

Holly, the Old Western Gal said...

Gosh, I could get the bit between my teeth here and really go stomping around -- I feel I know the kind of situation you were mentioning about trying to help support someone who is writing a lot of personal things on a blog -- only to find out that they're sort of unpleasant types with shrivelly lil' hearts and quick to anger -- I have been burned but I must say I think you handled it so much better than I did, you aren't upset but just quietly continuing to support them via the praying...what a sweet heart you have. And a strong lot of sense, too, to be able to just "let things go" when needed!

This news of you needing an IV worries me, I hope your chem levels will be stabilized soon and that you will feel wonderful all spring.

Bernie said...

Garnet, this daughter has a lot of help from health care workers, her brother and others.....she doesn't want help Garnet really, she is just so full of emotions which are not healthy for her or anyone else. She really needs our prayers sweetie......:-) Hugs

The Retired One said...

Oh Bernie, I am so sad this happened to you. This lady's heart is so hard, she could not see the loving comments and assistance you were trying to help her with. (And even though you said it didn't bother you, I know you well enough to know that it DID bother you, and probably a LOT).
Please, please be comforted in knowing that you did the exact right thing and said the exact right things..she just wasn't ready to hear.
Years from now she MAY see your wisdom, after her mom is gone....but maybe not. There may be years of bitterness in this family that no one can help. For your heart and health, I say stop following her blog for a while at least.
You shouldn't have to apologize for sending loving advice and thoughts her way.
How terribly, terribly sad for her.
A closed heart can never accept love.
So sorry to hear you've been sick, I wondered as I have not seen you post much and I was worried. You are in my thoughts often and in my heart, always.
Take care, and email me if things change for you, healthwise...otherwise I will be comforted to know you are slowly getting better.
my love,

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Oh, hard it is to be misunderstood...I am so sorry...We know and love you...and know that you only meant the very best...but while you may not know her...she does not know you are such a loving and lovely lady...I'm so glad that you are beginning to feel better...You have been much in my thoughts and prayers! And I do hope you thoroughly enjoy watching the Stanley cup!! Lots of love to you, Janine XO

Bernie said...

Holly, I don't like having to have the IV's either, I am hoping that after tomorrow I will not need anymore....I see my family Doctor next week and hope to have some answers.....I only know I want to feel better and will do whatever I can to do so.
This poor lady is angry Holly, she is hurting very much about something....she truly needs our prayers.
I hope her mother is surrounded by a gentle hand and much love when she passes.......:-) hugs

Bernie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bernie said...

Joan, I sent you an e-mail sweetie.
I am okay and no I wasn't offended by this ladies words....I really did feel bad for her as I could tell her anger and bitterness was blocking out all healthy advice. She needs professional help Joan.
I am trying to get better so I can enjoy the nice weather coming our way, will try and get over to visit you soon, love you....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Janine, I am watching Stanley Cup games as I the playoffs.
This lady needs our compassion and prayers sweetie, she is so full of anger and bitterness. I only want her mother to be surrounded by love and kindness when she passes and I pray this does happen.....:-) Hugs

Midlife Jobhunter said...

"I respond to others with my heart, I am not always right but I always have love in my heart with my truth of how I see a situation. I believe in honesty, loyalty and respect"

I know that, Bernie. Thankful for it. Sounds like you've had a tough time of it lately. Feel better and best of luck on that speech next week. I'm thinking you will do very well.

Debbie(single;complicated) said...

first I hope you feel better. Second I think that while you are right and some people do not want feedback most do. I learn more from the comments then the process of blogging. Its awful that when you are trying to help you get turned on!

Deborah said...

Hi Bernie, I am always very happy when you leave me comments and from the sound of the other blogger, I feel sad for her and her Mom. Her daughter is probably exhasted and feels alone and more than likely is angry if you could since it and sometimes we really don't know what happened before her mother took ill. I will pray for them. I'm sure she knows you were only trying to help. I only know when my dad was dying, I canceled my vacation, how could I leave, I couldn't but I suppose everyone is different. I know first hand, my husband left me when my dad past away, he flew off on a business trip that morning my dad died (seeing I canceled our vacation) and I'm still angry over that. I couldn't understand how anyone could do that, but he did. My dad didn't know and that is a blessing, I'm sure..Maybe he did know, but the hurt is still there. I'm sure you were doing what you thought best! Oh well, everyone has their own agenda, that is what makes blogging so much fun!

Bernie said...

Hi Julie, I always enjoy being a guest speaker....and yes I have had a rough time lately with my health....will be well soon though, I'm counting on it.
Oh the lady blogger has many problems Julie, she needs our prayers but she also needs professional help.......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Debbie, I agree as I too learn more from receiving comments than anything is sad what some families go through. Have a great Friday.......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Deborah, I agree with you as well as I feel everyone ends up doing what they really wanted to do anyway.
This family so needs our prayers and understanding as their situation is very sad....I would not like carrying that heavy burden of anger and bitterness around.......:-) Hugs

Donna said...

I am so glad you are feeling better and I appreciate all the comments you have left me.
I know how it is to be a caregiver for my Amber for nearly 30 years. It can be stressful and very time consuming but I NEVER would have been angry with anyone who took the time to think about me and pray for me. Blogging takes time and I did not have time for blogging until after Amber went to Heaven. I would do anything to have her back with me and give up blogging in a heartbeat! Obviously if she has time to blog she has time on her hands other than constantly caring for her mother. If you want to keep things private she should write them in a journal for herself. You did the right thing and I commend you!
Take care and God Bless,

Bernie said...

Thank you Donna, I know it is hard to care for an ill family member, my husband was ill for over 10 years and although he wasn't in bed all that time it was a worry, I like you would do it all over again in a heartbeat to have him with me again, it is difficult. We should all pray for this family who is going through such a hard time. Loved the pictures of Jennifer's shower, she is so beautiful........:-) Hugs

Crystal Mary said...

Please keep commenting on my Blog, I appreciate it.Hugs Hugs Hugs.
I have also discovered some don't like a comment. It's sad how some are.
I have noticed there are people who are don't care for their parent. I believe sometimes that could be either selfishness or the parent may have be abusive to them...some of abusive people seem very kind as they age...
Yes, they are need prayer and you are doing a great service by doing that for her.

Bernie said...

Crystal Mary, so sad but true there are families who don't like each other. We just have to keep praying harder for families won't we sweetie. .........:-) Hugs

Joey said...

The situation you talked about, the anger?

I understand it well. The daughter was angry about the Alzheimers, the bit of caregiving she gave, shopping, etc.

I started going over to care for Mimi three to five days at a time. When she went into hospice, the daughter was even angrier.

I thought that when her mother died, the anger would go away. It is still there, along with great sadness.

I pray that God will use someone to help these people understand compassion and forgiveness.

I had to shut my mouth.... let go and let God do His work.

Anita said...

Hi Bernie, I'm glad you're getting good treatment for the symptoms, and pray for a FULL recovery. I know you'll be back to normal very soon.

This post makes me think about some of the comments that I've left on certain blogs. I tend to always want to be encouraging; it's my nature, I guess. But there have been times when I've been blunt, because I feel the person is not seeing something obvious, something that all the readers can see, but that the blogger can not - a blogger in denial. I hesitate before I hit the enter key, but then I do.
It's seldom that I have been blunt, but when I have, a couple times, I got responses from the bloggers explaining why they felt the way they do. Other times, there is no resonse, but the people still visit my blog. And people DO have the option of deleting the comment to let commenters know of their resentment.
God has blessed you with the gift of Mercy. Sometimes that gift causes people to react negatively, but I believe those people will never forget what you've said, and will one day recall it and act upon it.
Hugs and Blessings!

Tranquility Speaks said...

Oh Bernie! I will pray you get well soon. I wish you good health and happiness.

Here is my take on this post.

Sure I don't know the lady or her situation, but this much I know that when your parent is out there dying, it is time to drop all the resentment and grudges. If you haven't done so earlier. Begrudging someone only harms you. Not the person who has wronged you. The anger you hold in your heart appears in the form of stress induced allergies, ulcers and aches and a host of other maladies.

And I may be wrong in what I say next, but maybe anger is her way of dealing with the impending loss. Maybe she is being an escapist and doesn't want to face sadness and loss. This is her way of venting.

Criticism maybe difficult to accept but healthy criticism always helps. You have to leave the ego aside to accept it.

Get well soon Bernie!

Bernie said...

Joey, her mother had brain cancer, but I'm sure the daughter's reaction was similar to the one you described. Thanks for sharing your story sweetie....:-)Hugs

Bernie said...

Anita, oh I have been blunt at times as well, I don't like being that way but sometimes it just comes out. I have thought about the mother so much, I just don't want her feeling alone or unloved when she passes......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Stillness, I always love it when you pop up and I know you are doing well......yes the daughter was angry, the mother deserves respect but I don't think it was happening that way. So sad really.
I am doing ok sweetie, so hope you are as well........:-) Hugs

Rebecca said...

Blogging can be tricky like that - and not everyone shares our personal understanding or reasons for posting...

Apparently some find it useful for simply venting or expressing emotions rather than suppressing them. Few reveal themselves completely - some instinctively; others deliberately sharing only what they want others to think about them (just like in "real" life).

At any rate, we live and learn, don't we?!

Glad to hear you are making progress in the health department.

And I was thrilled that Phil M. won! I read a short article yesterday about how his wife didn't want to be a distraction and was too weak to spend the day on the course, but by the time she'd watched the 12th hole (I think it was that one) decided to go to the course unbeknown to him....What a heart-warming story.

Dorothy said...

Glad your feeling better and able to blog a little. Seems like when we get the flu it can put us on our back quickly.

Have a great weekend.

Dorothy from grammology

Eddie Bluelights said...

Bernie, I am so glad I popped over tonight.
First I am pleased you are feeling better and hope you are fully recovered soon - I shall have a few little words 'upstairs'.

I cannot imagine how anyone can be upset by what you say in your comments - particularly since you were trying to help her and also because of all the encouraging supportive work you did to comment on her blog when no-one else did.

I had a similar experience when I supported someone and they took umbridge at something I said when they were clearly asking for advice and didn't like the advice I gave. Talk about forgiveness, they have not 'spoken' to me or visited my blog since or even answered my emails trying to mend fences.

I say all this because it is very strange how people react sometimes.

You clearly saw her mother's plight with compassion and just wanted to help the situation. Not sure what else you could have done really.

What I do klnow is that you are a very kind, loyal and supportive lady who wants only the best for people . . . and everyone loves you, Bernie - they really do.
That is why I invited you onto the Sunday Roast, plus the fact that Eternally Distracted nominated you.
God Bless ~ Eddie

Sharon said...

Really sad - some people don't appreciate what they have until it's gone. Her Mother will pass away soon and I really hope that she doesn't end up spending the rest of her life regretting the way she spent the last precious bit of time she had left with her Mum. My friend lost her Mum 2 years ago and not a day goes by when she doesn't wish her Mum was still with her. Some people I guess are so headstrong and stubborn and that gets in the way of realising whats really important in life.

Hope you are feeling better now and enjoying the sunshine :)

Cheryl said...

Dear Bernie, you are such a compassionate woman and your concern comes through to me in each of your lovely posts. I too think you were so dear to advise the young woman about her mother. I would be so very fortunate to receive such support from a stranger. And how kind of you to apologize for remarks that were not intended to harm in any way at all. You are a better person in doing that. I do hope and pray that you are feeling so much better now. And I too had tears in my eyes when Phil and his dear wife embraced! One of the most touching moments I have ever seen. Have a lovely week ahead!

Karen said...

Such a kind, compassionate entry, dear Bernie. I hope you're feeling 100% very soon. Please don't feel sad that your comments weren't welcomed. It's hard to understand why some people blog at all sometimes. Anyone who's read your blog knows what a good heart you have.

Lynn said...

Bernie, you are one of the most kindest and caring ladies that I've met on my blog.. Bless you for wanting to share that with this other person..

I have you in my prayers Bernie.. I pray that you continue to get better.. Thank you so much for visiting me on my blog, and for your prayers and also for being my friend! Take care now, and God Bless!


Bernie said...

Rebecca, this lady was a bit different....she was venting for sure but she also wanted empathy and reinforcement of her feelings. I think everyone's feelings should be acknowledged but I also think in her situation she had the element of time working against her, I only wanted her mother to have a good "death" but you are right some people do not want advice especially criticism of any kind, I respect that. Hoping you are having a great weekend....Hugs

Bernie said...

Dorothy I am not 100% yet but am working on it, thank you for caring my friend.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Eddie, thank you for your kind words and all the pull you have upstairs is very much appreciated my friend. Hope you and Maria are doing well......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Sharon, you and I feel almost the same about this situation. Have a great weekend......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Cheryl, thank you for your kind words, I have been thinking of you all day and praying you are feeling well.
Yes I was very happy for the Michelson family, I think Amy is beautiful and I know what those treatments are like and how sick they make you so my heart was full for her. She will have the light at the end of the tunnel soon I pray......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Ah Karen, thank you. Yes I thought that people blogged to connect to people, share feelings and receive/give advice or opinions. Obviously I was wrong but that is okay, I just want that family in a better place......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Lynn, thank you. I felt your friendship when I first visited your blog. I hope you are having a wonderful weekend......:-) Hugs

anupama said...

Dear Bernie,
Good Morning!
How are you dear?I didn't know you were sick.I missed you at my space when I comepleted 200 posts and on me New Year1
You are such a good and kind soul reaching people who need moral support and emotional security!
Just because of one bitter experience please don't move away from that daughter!Situation may be too difficult for her!
Love and hugs!
Get well soon,dear!
Wishing you a wonderful day ahead,

Janean said...

care giving is soooooo stressful and it sounds like there are deep issues involved.

you tried. you grew....and she'll be in many more people's prayers because you really DO care for her whether she can see that now or not.

sweet hugs!

roy/elisabeth dean said...

I, for 1, am always so appreciative of your sweet comments! You are such a dear to stop by and offer me encouaging words. You don't know me either, but I can't imagine you ever saying anything offensive!
I'm glad you're my "friend" and so happy that you're feeling better~

Jill said...

Since you haven't updated your blog in several days I'm concerned. I hope you are feeling better day by day.What a heart full of love you have.

Bernie said...

Anu, Namaste......I am doing better thank you, will be over to visit soon.......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Janean, thank you sweetie and so true.....I learn from every experience and I thank God for it.
Have a great day........:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Lilly, thank you for your kind words. I am praying for you and Roy every day......I so want him to make it for his daughter's wedding. Hang in their sweetie,
..........:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Jill, I am doing better, thank you for caring. I am seeing my doctor tomorrow so hopefully we will have results soon......:-) Hugs

Ceekay- Thinkin of Home said...

So sad for the daughter. She must be dealing with a lot, but unfortunate that she needed to respond in such a manner. I too try to be encouraging. And I came here to say I appreciate your encouraging words on my Teal blog. Believe me, it isn't easy. I have my down days too...but
God is good and I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive. Have a great week!

Bernie said...

Ceekay, so good to have you visit. I know you have a wonderful husband and I am so happy....he is always there for you as you would be for him if the roles were reversed.
I am praying for this family but had to step back, it is just not me to go where I am not wanted.
Wishing you a wonderful week...Hugs

quieten said...

Hi Bernie,
I've been a little out of the loop lately and didn't know you were ill. So sorry to hear that- I hope you are on the mend soon. You are just too sweet to not be 100%!
I'm glad you commented on that daughter's blog. While she may not appreciate it now maybe there will be a time when your words will give her peace. My mother used to tell me that when we need the most love when we are the most unlovable.
You shared your love- and that's what counts.
Keep on sharing your guidance and your love. Kindness never goes unrewarded or unheeded - sometimes it just takes awhile to be appreciated and understood.


Sniffles and Smiles said...

Just stopping by to see how you are! Hope you are doing much better!!! Love you so very, very much! Janine XO

Tea With Tiffany said...

Nice to meet you via the blog.

May God bless you and your family!

Eileen said...

Just stopping by Bernie to wish you well. You are in my thoughts and my prayers.
Love to you,

Mary333 said...

I'm sorry that I haven't visited your blog lately and I hope you are feeling much better. Bernie, I thought that it was very kind of you to comment on the girl's blog. Sometimes people respond in unexpected ways out of their fear or anger but you did the right thing by reaching out a helping hand and that is what counts. Maybe you planted a seed that will later grow, kindness is never a waste :) I'll pray for her, she seems to need much prayer. I'm praying for you, too. God bless you, Bernie :)

Brian Miller said...

thought i would drop back in to see how you wre doing. hope you have a wonderful day!