Reflections

It has been a long two weeks for me - I have been very ill. I am feeling better now

During the past couple of weeks as I lay freezing in cold sweats, delirious from high temperatures I had many hours to reflect on not only what was happening in my life but in every one's life and I realized just how much times were changing. Some of these changes are for the better and some not so much. It is time we all evaluated our lives, what we have accomplished and what we want to accomplish. It is time we branch out, come out of our boxes, closets and even our comfort zones.

So many of us live under the rules and conditions our parents taught us, nothing wrong with that for their time, this is a new time. A time for new rules and conditions. I believe we can can change from our youth era brainwashing and still honor our parents and keep our principals as we continue to grow.

The past couple of weeks I watched ads, listened to pundits all filled with messages to bring good people down, demonize and purposely hurt. I don't know about you guys but my parents had solid principals but they didn't teach me these things, well not intentionally. I know if I had chosen to marry outside their (my) faith I risked the chance of being disowned. They weren't mean parents, this is what they knew and were taught. There should never be legislation to force people to follow any churches rules. Churches should be responsible for growing their own members. The Pope nor Billy Graham gets to pick who goes to heaven, that is between us (individual) and God. Freedom of Religion means freedom of everyone/for everyone be it Catholic,  Protestant, Jewish, Hindu or Muslim etc. Who do we think we are to criticize others for believing differently than we do. On reflection I believe we have to take responsibility for our own souls, if we are worried about others then live your life by setting an example. That works!

Let people choose who they marry - don't legislate it! People come at me all the time when I say this especially quoting Scripture. I am a Christian, I listen to others, I read the Bible and on this subject my interpretation is obviously different than some of you. I am so tired of those telling me I am not a true Christian because I don't agree with them. Why? I don't say you are not Christians because you don't interpret the same as I do. I think this is called judging, and in my opinion it is wrong to judge anyone. What happens in people's bedroom is not the governments business anymore than it is mine or yours. Stay out of people's bedrooms!

Pro life versus Pro choice. I don't know why but people have taken this issue and have made it so hard. As Taylor Swift's song goes (sorta -) I would never, never, ever have an abortion. Couldn't do it, wouldn't do it but that doesn't give me the right to go to my neighbor and tell her she must not let her 13 year old daughter have an abortion, no it is their circumstance, their choice, none of us know what may have happened or be happening in another's life and until we do we cannot and must not choose for anyone else. It amazes me how some people want to force a woman to never choose abortion as it is the beginning of life yet find it so easy to give a needle to end a life. If anyone thinks a woman makes the decision of abortion without thought, heartache and tears then they haven't talked to anyone who has made this choice. They have the hard part, we need to reach out and help these women, love them, be there for them whatever they choose,  love without conditions.

Now I come to guns, for the life of me I don't understand why anyone wants a gun. Again I would never ever have one in my house. That is my thought, my choice. Others feel differently and that is their choice. I don't believe to have or have not a gun should be legislated. As long as mothers and fathers believe in the safety and necessity of having guns then there will always be guns in homes. I find it frightening that mentally ill people have access to such weapons. I still don't believe I should tell someone or anyone if they can own or shoot a gun. I am glad that our RCMP, police and other protectors are armed but I am also glad to feel my neighbour's home is gunless as mine is. To me the fact that people feel unsafe in their own homes, or even feel the necessity to carry a gun in their purses or on their person is very sad. Is it common sense over paranoia?

You know there was a time when I was smug and content in knowing I was blessed because I was born a Catholic, spoke English and was a White woman living in a beautiful country like Canada. I had it made, didn't I? Well I was blessed with all of these things but others are blessed just as much as me. They may be a different color, go to a different church or not go to church, believe differently on issues, yes these beautiful people are just as blessed as I am because God loves them just as much as he loves me.

There will always be people who think the world owes them something, after all they didn't asked to be born. These are the people who need us the most. By example we can show them that a hand up is different than a hand out. I realize that we don't live in a perfect world, there are no perfect people nor will there ever be but I also realize no believe that we all can be a little bit better than we are. We can look for the positive and love those who are different than we are, and if we can't wrap ourselves around others ways, then at least offer a smile. Don't ever, ever take away the hope of those who do not look like or believe as you do.

I bet we all are hoping I don't get seriously ill again but for different reasons.......lol


I wish you all joy, health, love and abundance..........big hugs and many prayers always.

The Bracelet

Several years ago I met a lady who quickly became a loyal friend. We had many things in common including dealing with Breast Cancer. This is not why I cared so much for Caren....no I loved her for so much more. I worked with/for her daughter, Tiffany, during my years at GE. Tiffany was like a daughter to me. She was younger than my own daughter, she was kind and understanding. In fact if Tiff had the choice to be right or be kind she always chose kindness.  I think probably Tiffany was our first link to what was to become a knowing, loving and understanding friendship. Caren lived in the city, I out in the rural area. She didn't drive, well she could but she chose not too and everyone knows how I dislike driving in Edmonton. Our face time was limited over the years but through Tiffany we had shopping trips, lunches and shared parties held by Tiffany and her sister Charney. I just really enjoyed being with Caren and her family, they made me feel loved, I wasn't invisible to them, I had a connection with a beautiful family.  At times Caren and I laughed so hard our bellies ached and only her and I even knew what we were laughing at and I have to admit there were times we didn't even understand, we only knew it was funny to us. She had a wicked sense of humor, could find the humor in almost every circumstance. We did spend a lot of time chatting on the phone promising not to reveal each others secrets, we e-mailed and face booked a.lot.

Caren and I both lost our left breast to cancer, she once said gosh we are pathetic we still couldn't make a pair with what's left together could we. She sounded so serious and with the look on her face I broke out laughing and when she realized what she had said and saw how hard I laughed she too began too laugh. We said other things that day and laughed so much and again only her & I "got it". We didn't even try to explain what was so funny to us. This happened to us many times, one afternoon she called me.....it was snowing outside and so cold so she thought we could be miserable together and within 5 minutes we were laughing. We shared our thoughts, the good, bad and the ugly. Our fears were real but together we were able to calm each other down before something would start us laughing again. This was our strongest bond.......laughter! Through her wit I was able to see the humor in almost everything. It could have had something to do with the fact we were both Gemini's born only 2 days apart yet she was much younger than me.

Caren found it hard at times to share her feelings with those she loved the most. She didn't want them worrying about her, her biggest wish was that everyone would carry on as though all were normal. She realized there was a life outside of her cancer, outside of her even and that everyone was busy with their own lives. I am not sure she realized how loved she was. She loved her family so much, her husband, her daughters and her four beautiful grandchildren. One of her wishes was that her grandchildren always know her and how much she loved them. She knew it would have to be through pictures and other people's memories but she tried to create what memories she could with them, even through her illness.

Caren had the greatest sisters ever......every year they would go to Vegas together, wear the same hats so that if they got separated someone always seem to say "oh I saw someone wearing that hat over there a minute ago" and she knew where her sisters were, having fun and always close by. Oh how she loved Debbie and Dee. They laughed more than her and I did. She knew their time together was going to be short and she tried to make it fun and full of good times and memories. She was a wonderful big sister and they loved her just as she was.

Okay back to the bracelet. Tiffany took her mom and I shopping one day, we needed a couple of those "special" bra's. While there we both noticed this really cute bracelet. It wasn't expensive but they only had one. It was an imitation Tiffany Bracelet really. Round silver balls with a heart hanging from it, the heart had a small amethyst in it. Anyway I said go ahead you get it, she said no.....you work, go out more than I do and will wear it more so you get it. We went back and forth on it but I was the one who bought it and wore it often. Whenever we saw each other and I had it on she would always say "there's my bracelet"

Caren eventually became very ill, her cancer had spread to many parts of her body and the last was too her brain. My sweet friend went to hospice. Her sister Debbie and daughter Tiffany were talking to her about me one day but Caren just couldn't remember me or say my name. Tiffany told me as she knew I was going to visit her mom and she wanted to prepare me. Hospice was an hours drive from where I live but I made the drive, found The General and was looking forward to seeing my dear friend. As I sat in the parking lot I couldn't go in, something had happened in my heart and I didn't want to see Caren so ill, or maybe I didn't want to see her only to realize she didn't  remember me. I honestly don't know. I text Tiffany and she was so sweet. She said "it's okay, don't worry as I am going up tonight". I drove home tears streaming down my face and feeling very sad, even angry at myself - to go so far and not complete what I really wanted to do. I wanted to visit my friend and tell her how much I loved her and how special our friendship was too me.

As Caren grew weaker, I grew stronger. I had to see her, no excuse, and I did. I had prepared to see her very sick and was even prepared for her not to recognize me. It didn't matter, I was okay with whatever happened as I realized it wasn't about me, it was about Caren. I hadn't dressed any particular way but I did wear the bracelet we both had loved. I didn' event think anything about it as I put it on.  Honestly I only wore it because it matched my outfit, no other reason. As I walked into Caren's room she was almost asleep. I bent over and kissed her forehead, she opened her eyes and she looked at me and smiled, she said "Bernie, my bracelet". Oh my eyes filled with tears as my heart filled with love.  We chatted and I was surprised at how she was able to carry and understand our conversation although at times she was a bit confused. As I was putting hand cream on her hands her sister Debbie came in. It was so good to see her and watch Caren's eyes light up when she saw her. I loved my time with Caren and Debbie that afternoon. Before I left I slipped the bracelet off my wrist and placed it on Caren's. It looked good on her, it was with the wonderful lady who was suppose to have it. Charney, Caren's oldest daughter told me later that she wouldn't take it off.

Last week week I visited her again, she looked at me then pointed to the bracelet and I knew that she knew who I was. I don't know why, I would of understood if she didn't but I was so pleased she knew it was Bernie who was there. Over the years Caren and I have shared many confidences and that afternoon we shared even more. I knew she was weaker than last week, even a bit more confused but there were times she was so clear and I believe knew exactly what she was saying. Without breaking our confidence in each other's secrets I know she would want me to say how much she loved her family, and sometimes worried about leaving them. She was putting them first, and I love her for that. I hugged her from me and then I said this one is from Debbie and she turned her head and said "where is she" We talked about her family, her mother and father, her sisters and her husband Boo. Oh how she loved him, and even made me smile as she told me of a few things that had happened during their 37 years of marriage. What is important here is that she was perfectly clear when she told me how much she loved and appreciated her family. She even was a bit worried about me, don't know why really just sharing with you what she expressed.

Caren passed away early Thursday morning, I don't know why but her passing hit me very hard. It was a day of tears for me and that night at dinner I had 2 glasses of wine, one for me and one for my dear friend Caren.

Caren was cremated Thursday afternoon. Tiffany and Charney had used the moisturizer I had given her as they prepared her for the end of her journey and had her cremated with the bracelet on. I was so happy to have the bracelet go with her, it brought me comfort. I love you sweet lady, and I love that I had the opportunity to tell you I did and how much I appreciated your friendship. I promised you that day that if Tiffany or Charney ever needed me, I would be there for them. This promise I will never break.

Rest in Peace dear friend, we will meet and laugh again. Of this I am sure!

Winter Is Back and Thanks to a Friend

Hello my friends, I hope you are all sleeping as I should be. I fell asleep in my lazy boy watching Curling tonight and slept for 3 hours so now I am wide awake.

I have had a busy week. I visited a friend in the hospital on the weekend and so glad I did as she passed away today. I am okay with God taking her home, she was suffering badly and I know she is now pain free.. Another family will now begin the grieving process.......so sad but a part of life.

I was surrounded by kids for 3 days this week, babysitting, playing games and just enjoying their happy company. Our weather had been absolutely beautiful, in fact we broke many records the past couple weeks but oh boy Winter came back with a vengeance on Tuesday. So cold and the wind was brutal. They are calling for snow on Sunday.  Will almost be a treat compared to last Winter.

This has been a good time for me to take my Foreign Affairs and Current Events Course. There is so much happening all over the world right now. It is very interesting, I am taking this course online through the University of Alberta and this week we skyped and had a great discussion. I loved hearing the others ideas although I didn't always agree with them (I'm sure they didn't agree with me either) So far I am loving it and have completed my first project. We may be divided into groups for our next project, so looking forward to it. Canada is not perfect but I feel so blessed to be born and living here. We have so much abundance and the people taking the same course are lovely.....yup we are pretty lucky here.

I also am continuing my volunteer work with those dealing with cancer. I found I had to balance my schedule as I get so attached to these beautiful people, I think that is why I am taking my course as for those few hours a week I am not thinking of cancer. I am trying to spend more time with the kids as well before I  move home this summer. I have a few days planned with Fallon at the end of the month which I am looking forward too.

 Cindy at http://thingsaboutwhowhatwhenwhereandwhy.blogspot.com/ changed my blog for me. I love it, thank you sweet friend, I appreciate how patient you are with me and all the time we spent on the phone together. 

The wind has just came up and it is snowing outside, I think it is time I retired as it is way past my bedtime. I am sending good thoughts, many hugs and tons of prayers........:

A Wonderful New Year Ahead - Are You Ready For It

Hello my friends, wishing you all a healthy and happy New Year. I am so looking forward to 2012. If all goes as planned I will put my condo on the market in May and will move back home to New Brunswick during the summer. I am so looking forward to living near my brothers and sister. I am blessed to have many school friends, cousins and old work friends living there as well. It's all good and going to be fun. Don't you just love life, never a dull moment. I don't like thinking about leaving my family here, it will be especially hard leaving Fallon but my plans are to fly her home at least once a year. Her dad agrees. I hope to spend winters in Florida and summers in Shediac, a beach area close to Moncton. The good Lord willing the next chapter in my life will be contented, healthy, happy and filled with love of family and friends, anyway that is my plan.

New Year's was fun, we started out watching the Canadian National Junior team play and win against the USA juniors. The score was 3-2, and it was a very entertaining game. We then had a wonderful meal, for me it was surf and turf......so good! We also had our share of martinis and of course wine with our meal. An nice cup of Tia Chi cinnamon tea followed. Great food, even greater company and wonderful entertainment made for a memorable evening and a great way to ring in a new year.

Sunday, New Year's day 3 ladies and I had a wine and pizza party. Thank heaven it didn't start until 5 o'clock.....I needed some sleep! Honestly Monday was like a professional napping day, I was exhausted. I did manage to take off the pyjamas long enough to go to Weight Watchers that evening feeling quite sure I would be over my weight allowance and have to pay but surprise, surprise I had only gained 1 pound (am allowed 2) so I have to admit I had more energy arriving home then when I left here.

Yesterday, not such a good day.....both my hockey teams lost and then I was really into the Iowa caucus on TV and my guy didn't win but he came close. As a student of foreign affairs I am not that excited about passing in my monthly paper next week. I love learning about other countries, their policies and right now the world is such an interesting place. It sure isn't perfect but it is so good, studying and learning about what is happening around the world has proven to be informative and fun. Our weekly discussions are fantastic, I enjoy them very much. Everyone has an opinion and I love when they explain their position, needless to say I don't always agree. Homework can be time consuming as we are suppose to fact check everything we say or write about. Wish me luck, I will need it to pass this course.

This morning I made the best chicken turkey soup ever and this afternoon when I came home from having my nails done the house smelled so good. I am looking forward to having my supper soon.

Our winter so far has been mild with minimal snow but we have had a bit of freezing rain. My parking lot is like a skating rink, scary really. I was frightened of falling when I went out earlier, it never did warm up enough for anything to melt and I am a bit concerned that we may get snow soon. Even a dusting of snow over that ice will be treacherous.

Have a great week everyone, sending you all big hugs..........:-)