Tomorrow is Valentine's day and also your birthday. I remember how dad would always tease you about being his birthday valentine. I miss you mom.
We had our differences when I was a child, but from the time I was 13 years old I don't think we had a cross word between us, even if I did something wrong you would always help me and oh the things we never told Dad. You always were there for me, and I always knew it. With you I felt safe and loved always. What a blessing you were to me mom. I still have the tape from my answering machine that you left your last message to me on and when I long to hear your voice I play it over and over again. It makes me smile, cry, happy and sad. I am so thankful I have it as your voice is a little piece of heaven to me.
I like to think that you are with Dad, Woody and Scotty. Thinking of you all together lightens the ache in my heart when I miss all of you so very much.
We had so many good times, times when we laughed so hard that you had to sit down to catch your breath. Just silly little things that only a mother and daughter would laugh over. We cried together over our hurts and we held on to each other when we were worried or disappointed. How lucky I was to have had you. We shared the last five years of your life together almost as one.....everyone else had someone, you and I had each other and I thank God every day that he gave me this special time with you.
Mom it still bothers me that on the day I drove you to the hospital I wouldn't let you smoke in my car. If I had known you would never be coming out of the hospital I would of let you smoke the whole package. I honestly didn't realize how sick you were. When you ask me to call Father McKee to anoint you with the last rites and there were just the 3 of us there, I still didn't think I was going to loose you. I guess I was in deep denial as I wanted to think we had many more years together. It was only when your doctor showed me your chart indicating you had heart disease as well as cancer that I knew we were in trouble. You went so fast mom, I thought it was good that you didn't have to suffer but as the years have passed I wish we would of had more time than we did.
You accepted your situation with such courage and grace. You had no fear, you were ready to go home. You had such faith and you were tired. You wanted to see Dad again and I understood.
If I had you back again for only a few minutes there is nothing I could say that I hadn't already told you, except how much I miss you. You knew I loved you and you knew I would make it on my own. You always told me I had the strength to handle whatever came my way and I guess you were right. I have survived and live a life filled with love and happiness. You taught me that whatever happened in my life that God's grace would protect me and see me through and he has. Each night I pray the Rosary you gave me, I love it so much and feel so close to you as I touch each bead. You would love the CD I have with the Rosary and mysteries on it and I know you are smiling as I use to say to you can't we just go to sleep, do we have to say the Rosary......we always said it. When Sylvia would visit we would still say it and we both knew how happy you were that we were together to do so.
Everything has changed since you have gone home mom and although I don't like change very much we know it is inevitable.....again you taught me it is not about what happens but how we react to it. Your favorite saying was you can achieve more with honey than vinegar has always stayed with me. You also told me a smile cost me nothing but could mean so much to someone else. As I grow older I realize how wise you were.....I only had to listen.
I know you are at peace now mom and this brings me great comfort. Kiss my boys for me and I wish you a Happy Birthday in heaven........so love and miss you.