January has been a long and painful month for me. I have been ill but more important I am in pain for losing so many of my beautiful friends to cancer. Have I told you how much I hate this disease. This Saturday I attend another funeral.....this one my friend of many years who at 62 years old lost has lost her life to heart disease. A first for me really, other than my husband but her death which happened this morning is so sudden. This also will be my fourth funeral since the New Year began. My heart aches for their families and the loved ones left behind. I will attend her funeral knowing that she would want me to be strong and carry on with my life in this beautiful world. As hard as it will be I will do it, I love life and all the beautiful things it offers all of us. Somehow I will survive, and I know God is the reason I do. I have been asked to speak at my friend's funeral, pray that I will find the right words to express what a beautiful lady she truly was. I want to do her justice, show her respect and also share my love for her.
Our weather has been lovely these past two weeks. It has been warm, sunny, and just so great to be outside enjoying all the great things winter has to offer. I love winter.....I love the snow.....I love the warm breezes it brings in from the South that melts the snow and our hearts....winter is a good thing!
Tonight as I was approaching my car to pick up my friend to attend a Weight Watchers meeting, I fell! It wasn't a graceful fall, I must of looked like a new born calf trying to stand for the very first time. It was a hard fall and I am bruised from my left ankle to my left shoulder but nothing was broken and I am thankful. It could of been much worse. For about an hour I was quite shaken, I almost cried as I felt so out of control and I scraped and bruised my body, but I carried on. I picked up my friend and we went to Weight Watchers. The good news is I lost another 2 pounds, the bad news is that I am black and blue all over my left side. I am not sure about all these viruses and pain I have experienced these past several weeks.....is it because of old age or carelessness. I don't know, all I know right now is the pain in my heart for my friend Ellie who died this morning and a painful body from my fall tonight. I do know I am tired of pain and I am tired of losing so many friends. Four funerals since Jan.1st is 4 too many. I loved them all and will miss them even more. Did I tell you growing old sucks! Age I don't mind, deaths and illnesses I do!
I am doing very well losing weight, not many more pounds until I reach my goal weight. This is good, but I am still trying to convince myself that weight is important......it didn't help my friends who have passed, perhaps it will help me. I know my clothes fit better, I look better but it doesn't do one thing about the pain in my heart for my friends or their families. it breaks my heart to see their pain. It is times like these that I think I am being shallow - trying to improve my appearance when others are suffering.
I want to tell you all how important you are too me, how much I love you. If you have a friend who has a terminal illness don't let them die surrounded by flowers, stuffed toys and cards......be there for them. Do their laundry, go grocery shopping for them, help them pay their bills, do whatever will help them feel better. So many friends I know are alone, and people seem to wear out quickly after a couple of weeks of attending someone in ICU. It is easier for them to send a card or message.....I am asking you to give a couple of hours a week, even every two weeks....just be there to help them do what they want done. It is so important, believe me when I tell you this. They have told me directly and I try to do as they ask, please do what they want not what is convenient to you at the time. People deserve the respect, love and dignity to die with the knowledge that they are loved and their feelings are important.......whenever someone tells me they are feeling down I tell them....please do something for someone else in need. You will feel so much better and so will they. Make it about them, right now how they feel is important, it is not about you......
I am happy to say I am feeling better health wise. I have been feeling sad losing so many friends I love. I so hate CANCER! I can not bare the pain it has brought to so many families but then how I feel is not that important. It is not my will that counts, God Will Be Done......He knows the reason!
It has been warm and lovely the past week, tomorrow our winter returns. I am okay with it, after all it is only mid February......we still have a few more months of winter.
I hope you all have had a wonderful Valentine's Day filled with much love. Today is my mother's birthday. She would of been 89 years old, she is spending her birthday in heaven with my dad, my son, my husband and so many others I love and miss. I love you Mum, Happy Birthday.
Have a great week everyone, know that you all are in my heart, prayers and thoughts always.....I have decided that from this day forward I am going to love everyone and everything including the brutal weather, life is too short not to live it fully......
Much love and many, many hugs........God Bless.....:-)
