Thursday, November 12, 2009

What Has Happened To The Family

Hello my friends, I had a day that still has me shaking my head.....I am wondering what has happened to the close unit of family. I have to believe that most families are still all about loving and caring for each other but there have been a few incidents that has caused me to question where has the compassion and even responsibility for parents, children even siblings gone.

Why this is on my mind tonight is that today after meeting my friends for a lunch which was great I had to stop at the drugstore to pick up my insulin and needles. While there an elderly lady was sitting down and I noticed she did not look well and so I asked her if she was okay.....she said she was dizzy and the pharmacist had taken her blood pressure which was very high so he was trying to contact her son to come and get her. I sat down beside her to keep her company until the pharmacist returned and told us that one of her sons was 2 hours away and asked him to call his brother who lived only about 5 minutes from the drugstore. He did this and was told that this son was very busy and if she couldn't walk home herself then the pharmacist should call an ambulance and have her taken to hospital as he would not be available until this evening......well this lady was 82 and as soon as the pharmacist mentioned the word ambulance her blood pressure went even higher. I could feel her heart beating so fast as I put my arm around her.....I got her drink of water as the pharmacist called the first son back who said yes to call an ambulance and he would meet her at the hospital as soon as he could. I would of drove her home, she only lived a short distance from the drug store but I was concerned she may have a heart attack, she said she had no pain but she had broken out into a sweat. My gosh I felt sorry for her. The pharmacist did call for an ambulance and I followed it to the hospital and stayed with her until her son arrived.... four hours later.....by this time they had given her medication and her blood pressure was almost normal and she said she was feeling fine. The doctor agreed she could go home as long as someone would be with her at least until tomorrow. I can still see her little button eyes filled with anxiety so I assured her I would stay with her until her son arrived. She held my hand even as she took a nap. When her son finally arrived he was curt with her and said he couldn't stay over night and she would have to call her niece. How sad she looked as she mumbled she would and thanked me for everything while her son barely noticed I was there, he may of thought I was working at the hospital but I still found him rude......one day he may find himself in the same position and I pray he will have someone to help him with a bit of compassion which he didn't show his mother. Anyway she gave me her phone number and I will call her tomorrow to see how she is feeling. I am still feeling angry at her only sons.....she raised them with love and sacrifice and they made her feel like a burden. She had told me they had changed a lot since her husband passed away 2 years ago and they hardly visited or called her, but she did say her niece was lovely and treated her well. I wish the pharmacist had called her niece but then he didn't know about her and when I asked her if she wanted me to call her she didn't have her phone number with her and couldn't remember where she worked.....

This isn't the first time I have seen a parent treated this way but I hope it is the last. I know there is much I don't know about this family and perhaps the sons have their own reasons for acting this way but in my opinion there is no excuse to treat a mother that way whatsoever, I don't care what she may or may not have done. She is 82 years old, sick and alone. Tonight I will pray for her and her family and all families that are divided including the divisions in my own family.

In all fairness I will say I know many more families that are kind and loving to each other than what I witnessed today but knowing even one family like this is one too many. A gentle word, a smile, and a genuine concern for each other is so much easier than what I saw today.

Just had to get this off my chest tonight as it is playing over and over in my mind and my heart is aching for this elderly lady who deserves to be loved.

Good Night and God Bless..........:-) Hugs

56 comments:

Star said...

You are a sweet kind lady to take such trouble to help a little old lady in distress. Sadly, this is a sign of the times. It is not your place to judge the sons for, as you say, they have their own reasons for the way they act. However, in an ever increasing society, we seem to be more alienated all the time, don't we! You are a good samaritan. Bless you.
Star

Granny on the Web said...

Oh Bernie! How wonderful you were there to be her Good Samaritan. Poor old lady, but she must have been so impressed with the love and support you showed her.

When I ran an old people's home, I saw it all the time... old people no longer of use to their children, and now a burden. I made sure they felt loved and valued. And made sure no one ever died alone. But it would have been so much better if their family had shown this support.

God Bless you
Love Granny

Tamara said...

Oh Bernie, how very sad indeed, that you had to witness the transaction, but even worse for the mother. Perhaps someday, those sons may have a revelation. I hope it is in the form of 'the Ghost of Christmas Past' so all of the past actions can be reviewed.

As a society, I fear it is much easier for us to spend and give money that it is for us to give of our time.

Hugs, my friend.

Wanda said...

Good morning Bernie, my heart goes out to this elderly woman whose two sons appear to be unconcerned for her well being, thank God he placed you there as her Gaurdian Angel. It would kill me I think, if my sons were to treat me this way. Just the thought of it makes me cry. Can't imagine the pain she felt from their lack of concern.

We all face hardships along the way in our lives, due to numerous different happenings, deaths, senseless wrongs, and needless misunderstandings, but I would hope
for complete protective show of love, when one reaches the obvious near end of their life!

You know, I believe every single person in our village would have wished to have been there with you Bernie, by her side.

Take care today and have a good weekend...I may not post until Sunday, very busy with life, leaves, and loved ones! In fact that may just be the title of next post.

Love,
Wanda

Diana said...

Good Morning Bernie,
How sad this was. And how selfish these son's of hers sound. My son doesn't call me often but every time I've had to go to the hospital he's been there within minutes. He was actually the first one there. And you know what? He is very busy. He works long hours and than cares for his own children while his wife works. My Gosh, my daughter lives 900 miles away and she was there the next morning!
Thank the Lord that you were there at that time Bernie. Your timing seemed to be just right. It's a selfish world today. I see it everyday. It's sad.
Love Di

Wander to the Wayside said...

This is just too sad! When my dad was in the nursing home during the last year and a half of his life, I felt so bad for those residents that didn't seem to have anyone there for weeks on end. They would flock to me like I was santa clause, they were so glad to see someone who wasn't a nurse. I know there are always stories behind these people, and families today live so far apart and are so busy, but it does just break your heart.

Bernie, I've got to say that I've rarely met anyone who would do what you did, going beyond sitting with her at the pharmacy. You're truly a good samaritan, although I know there are more like you out there.
-Linda-

Anvilcloud said...

Sometimes, I just shake my head.

glnroz said...

I get frustrated with people almost daily. I don't know how we have come to this point, but good for you on your efforts.

The Retired One said...

Good grief, Bernie!
Thank goodness you were there. And you were the perfect person to help her.
I agree..no matter what the past was with this son, he should have thanked you and shown some compassion and caring for his mother. What a self-centered piece of work he was!!
I hope she gets better.
But remember, you cannot save the world or this family.
It is easy to get sucked into a situation that can bring you down emotionally.
The most you can do is contact her caring niece if you get involved from here and then let it go. Otherwise it will weigh you down too much.
Thank goodness she has a niece who is in her life and who she knows will help.
You are such an angel of service, Bernie. You really are!

Gail said...

HI BERNIE-
Oh my - I am so glad you were there for the woman in need. I am humbled by YOUR compassion, kindness and selfless giving. And I so agree that her own sons were unkind, rude and selfish too - but I am ging to feel the gifts you gave and thank our God that wonderful care-givers like you exist in this world. I will pray for those sons - that they may find their hearts and a willingness to love their own Mom-. sigh......

Love and admiration to you
Gail
peace.......

cinner said...

Oh Bernie, this is so sad. Shame on the two boys, sorry but thats how I feel. I am so glad you stayed with her and just held her hand, you know when people are ill they are so scared and to have children that act like she is a burden is beyond me. I am glad you told us about this. Unfortunately I think there are lots of people in this same state, Fortunately the most families I know are loving and caring. Big hug Bernie. Have a great visit with your friend.

Bernie said...

Hi Star, I just felt so sorry for this little old lady, and only did what I think most people would of done.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Granny, I wish we had more people like you around, these elderly people are human beings who deserve a kind word and a helping hand at this point in her life.... it was my pleasure to help her. have a great weekend....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Tamara, the whole situation was very sad, I would like to think that there are a lot more sons out there who would treat their mothers with love and respect...Hugs

Bernie said...

Good Morning Wanda, I had a restless night last night as I couldn't get that little old lady off my mind, I really shouldn't have posted about it as I know I was venting but she really touched my heart...I too feel everyone in our village would of done exactly the same thing, and perhaps even more than I did. I am going to call her before I go out this morning and hopefully I will speak with her niece, then I will be able to enjoy my weekend.
I am so happy you are surrounded by such a beautiful family, it is a blessing and I know you are a wonderful mother and grandmother.
God Bless my friend and I love the title for your next post.....big hugs to Alivia......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hi Diana, I really blew off steam in my post last night, but I have to say it really bothered me.
How are you and your family doing, I keep meaning to e-mail but have been so busy this week, doesn't mean you haven't been on my mind my friend......have a great weekend, luv ya.......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Linda, I am so glad you were so kind to your dad and the others that were there as well. No, I didn't do anything that my sisters or friends wouldn't of done...the world has changed so much, families need to step up and take care of each other.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

A/C, I am still shaking my head. Hope smudge is better....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

glnoz, it was devastating to me when I realized her sons were so selfish.....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Joan, you are so right..I can't save the world but as long as I have a breath I will try to be kind to those who need a helping hand. I am really tired today as I didn't sleep well last night, kept seeing her tiny frightened eyes. Will check on her this morning. When my company leaves on Sunday I plan on sleeping all day....Luv you my friend....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Gail, last night's post wasn't about me really except for my frustration for the way that little old lady was treated by her sons. You would of done the same thing for her I'm sure....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hi cinner, I was glad I was able to help her, I guess I was suppose to be there at that time. I hope you are feeling better my friend, have a great weekend...:-) Hugs

Eileen said...

How good of you, Bernie, to be there for this poor soul.
My heart breaks for her. I'm glad she had you there, and I'm glad to hear that she at least has her niece in her life.

We got to see first-hand how some of the elderly were treated by their families when first my Mom and then my Dad were cared for in nursing homes (my Dad was in and out of quite a few for various reasons his last years). It was heartbreaking to see the loneliness of so many patients forgotten by family, and even more heartbreaking to see family visit and spend the whole time either being impatient or ignoring their loved ones the whole visit, the most the patient got was a 'hi' and 'goodbye'. But we did get to see many good families too who were avid advocates for their loved ones, and cared for them tenderly and lovingly.

My kids make me batty sometimes and I always tell them that they are going to drive me to an early grave, but I know without a doubt, if the chips were down, each and every one of them would be there for me. As much as they drive me insane sometimes, I can see that they are very protective of me.
I hope that lasts into my old age.

God Bless you, Bernie, you always seem to be doing a good deed for someone. God Knows who to put in the path of those in need.
Take care.
Love to you,
Eileen

RNSANE said...

Bernie, what a blessing for that lady that you were there and are the person that you are! Not everyone would have taken the time to see her to the hospital and to wait with her. I know that you didn't do it for accolades, you did it because you cared for another human being and were appalled at the way her own family treated her, with real disdain and disinterest. To think that her sons did not immediately drop what they were doing to tend to their mother is beyond belief.

You were very contained when the son arrived. Believe me, I would
probably have expressed my dismay.

Bless you for being so kind and for caring. I hope someone is around if I am in such a situation and my boys aren't nearby.

Choices said...

Bernie,
You sure do have a very kind soul. This lady was very lucky to have you with her. You are always helping others and caring about everyone. What a wonderful way to be.
Take care.

Bernie said...

I guess I don't get these e-mail thingys because I already have written several today only to find later that there is a place to comment with going through all that.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am proud of you for helping and just remember that for those sons--what goes around comes around. and I am glad she has a great niece anyhow.

Margie said...

It's so wonderful you were there for that liitle old day!
You did a very good deed, Bernie!
All that we do for others comes back to us .... I really believe that!

Bless you!

Hugs!

Margie:)

Queenmothermamaw said...

You are so right Bernie, you were right where God needed you. I appreciate your sharing that with us. Makes me fill good that there are folks out there like you. I have also seen so many folks like that. In home health sometimes the only person that patient ever sees is the home health people. I hope that I would have done the same thing. I am sending up a prayer for her and for her sons to see the light before it's too late. Blessings to you.
QMM

wendyytb said...

Bernie... You must be the kindest woman alive....

Valerie said...

Unfortunately, not all families are close knit. I suppose things happen that we're unaware of since we only see one side of the coin. Thank goodness you were there to comfort the poor woman.

Barb said...

Bernie, thank goodness for your kind heart! It is hard for me to imagine that my children would abandon me in a time of need. How hurtful - my heart breaks just thinking of the loneliness and fright of being sick and without kindness from family or friend. Though I also feel agitated by this story, I think there might be a lesson - I'm sure you were her one good thing, Bernie.

Bernie said...

Hi Eileen, I am happy to say I spoke with Mrs. Houle's niece yesterday who had taken the day off to stay with until Sunday night. She told me she was doing really well and she did sound very kind and loving toward her Aunt. It really made my day and I am able to enjoy my friend's company this weekend......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Carmen, it was so easy to be nice to this little lady, I felt it a pleasure to help her but was so disheartened by her sons...she does have a wonderful niec though and I have since spoken to her...I feel very good about her situation now......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hi Anne, I am very blessed to be able to lend a hand to the elderly, they are really special to me......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Bernie, she does have a wonderful niece, I spoke to her yesterday and she took yesterday off work and is staying the weekend with her Aunt.....I feel my heart for mankind has been renewed now that I know her niece is with her....Hugs

Bernie said...

Margie, I now think God placed me there so Mrs. Houle wasn't alone and I was able to extend her a bit of kindness....you would of loved her Margie and she is doing really well at home with her niece right now. Luv ya......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Peggy there is no doubt in my mind that you would of done the same things for sure....Mrs. Houle was so easy to give a helping hand too, she is doing well now as I spoke to her lovely niece....Hugs

Bernie said...

Wendy, no I am far from the kindest woman alive, I am sure you would of done the same thing had you been in my place....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Val, even my own family disagrees with one another at times and it breaks my heart....we need the close knit family to make this world a better place....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hi Barb, I think it is very hard to understand this situation especially if you yourself have a close knit family, I was blessed to have the opportunity to help this lovely lady but her sons really left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I have spoken to her niece and Mrs. Houle is doing very well right now......:-) Hugs

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Simply heartbreaking, Bernie!!! I'm so glad that God sent Angel Bernie to that poor lady today...You are truly His hands and feet, dear Bernie...but oh, how it must break His heart when family does not honor parent...Your story grieve me...How I wish I could scoop all the hurting people up and wrap them in love and warmth! A powerful post, Bernie!!! Your heart is an inspiration to us all!! Love you!!! Janine XOXO

Jerelene said...

Hello Bernie!
It is wonderful that you were there to help that poor lady...how terrible it is that some people would treat their own Mother that way.
You are a sweet person Bernie and I'm so glad to know you :)
Hope you are well...and I hope you are able to get on my page soon :)
Love you...Jerelene
PS....I LOVE your new purse!!

Bernie said...

Janine, I somehow think that God did place me there to help this wonderful lady, I am happy to say she is doing well now as I have talked with her niece.....I was happy to help out but was quite frustrated with her sons. I think it may be different between sons or daughters but regardless their mother needed them at that time, thank God for her niece....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hi Jerelene, I am still unable to open your blog and I really miss hearing how you and your family are doing, fortunately Jackie and Diana has kept me up to date.
Mrs Houle is doing very welll now as I have spoken with her niece by phone and I am happy to know she is with her.....:-) Hugs

Maggie May said...

Bernie you are a gem....... a carer and an encourager in life. Also many thanks for all you kindness to me on my blog.

Words fail me with that son. How depressing ........ she must be made to feel a real burden. Made me sad. God Bless you!

Nuts in May

Rebecca said...

Whew! After all those comments, mine can only echo the general sentiment! You were indeed "God's hands & heart" for this lady. I am thankful that you took the time and made it your responsibility to see that she was cared for. It was no accident that it you were there at that time.

Fairy Footprints said...

Bernie, I am so glad you stopped over to visit me for Disney Sunday.

I read your post, and I agree what is going on with the families in society today? Kids are raising kids, and parents are stepping out of the picture, when I grew up and even now that I am older my family is the only one who will be there for you threw everything life throws your way. We have to stay tight, and stay together. I have raised my children with all the love I could give, I do not have money for possessions and the items in life that many other kids have, but I give them love, and they are truly the most wonderful little girls I could've ever asked for, they are caring and understanding. I pray that when I am 85 my children and grandkids are there and care for me the way that I have cared for them.

God bless you have a wonderful week,
Heidi

Brenda said...

Bless you for being there for the woman. I am afraid that this happens too often. It is hard to grow old. It is scary to look but we will soon be there.

Rose Marie Raccioppi said...

Bernie, Your caring touched that woman and has touched all who have read this post, obviously including myself. In our modern day of "busy" family values need to be awakened. I pray for love to be known and shared.

Thank You Bernie ((( ♥ ))) for being there and here.

Bernie said...

Maggie, I find it easy to care for people....especially babies and the elderly....I am sure you would of done the same thing my friend..._) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hi Rebecca, I think God put me there at that time as well, he knew I couldn't walk away from an elderly lady in need....I know you would of helped her as well, she is doing very well now....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Heidi, I am sure you are a wonderful mother as your mother is too you....in a world like ours is today we all need to help and rely on each other. It was a pleasure to help this elderly lady...:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Brenda, I so agree with what you have said....our time is not that far away, I pray that we will always have someone we love and trust around us in our time of need, I am leaving that up to God.
......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Rose Marie, I too pray for love between family and friends, that it is nutured and respected. Just being human beings we all need to be loved......:-) Hugs

Tranquility Speaks said...

I agree with you Bernie, that irrespective of what has happened in that family, she still deserves to be treated with love and care. For humanities sake!

That was exceptionally kind of you to have spent time comforting her and staying by her side. May God bless you! You really are a gem of a human being :)

Shimo said...

No wonder she had a high blood pressure
I can't imagine how cruel her sons are specially the one who was 5 minutes away. These sons deserve to be treated the same way by their children.
You know this reminded me of a similar story from our religion in which a wife was tired of the presence of her sick father-in-law in the house. The house is originally the old man's house. She forced her husband to kick his father out.
The husband took the man to a mosque for prayer and excused him for a while. Before he goes, the old man told his son "I know you would leave me here, since I did the same with my own dad. I kicked him out from his own home. I took him to the same mosque and left him there.
Bernie you are sooooooooooo kind and you deserve the best. God bless you for your concern for the old lady.