Friday, July 10, 2009

Mixed Emotions Today

Hello my friends, my heart is with Diana today at the loss of her pet. So sad really and heartfelt by those who loved Spooky and those who love Diana. A big hug to you Diana and know that all your blogger friends are thinking of you today with much love.

On a personal note, today would of been Scotty's, my son's, 40th birthday. This is always an emotional day for me. I always have a plan for these kind of days so I won't sit around and cry or feel sad as I know he wouldn't want me too. It doesn't make it any easier for me but it does keep the tears at bay for a little while. I am sure you all must notice how I don't speak very often of my children or grandchildren. It is out of respect for my daughter that I don't. She is sensitive to all of the pain that has happened in our lives and wouldn't want me to share our story on my blog. So for Scotty, I love and miss you so very, very much. I hope you are with your dad enjoying peaceful days with your dog, Muffy and know how much mum misses you. In my heart I know that in time we will all be united as a family once again. Memories and love never leave our hearts and I wouldn't want them too. Until we meet again my darling son, be safe, be happy, be mine. May your kind and sweet gentle spirit rest in peace, and as always I love you to the moon and back.

Thank you Eileen and Jackie for the Warm Heart Award....a perfect day to receive it. I accept with a heart full of compassion and love. You know its because I have been so blessed by much love in my life that allows me to carry on with love in my heart to share with all those I know. What better way to honor those we love and care for than to share it all with others.

Am off to read my favorite blogs and comments......Good Night and God Bless

23 comments:

Jackie said...

....I feel the love in your post for Scottie. I hope you feel the hug that comes to you in this post from me. Today was an emotional day. I'm thinking of you as I have just finished reading your blog...and I can't say I know how you feel, because I don't. I will say that I love you and that I hope that the peace that passes any and all understanding will continue to be with you. You are a warm-hearted lady. You put others before yourself...and how humble that is.
Have a restful night, Bernie.
With hugs,
Jackie

Bernie said...

Hi Jackie, thank you for your kind words, its bcause of Scotty and his father's love that I have the strength to live for all of us. It was because of them I found the strength to win the war on Breast Cancer. I truly find it easy to love all who come into my life.....I have been blessed my friend.....:-) Hugs

Granny on the Web said...

Thinking of you with special thoughts today Bernie. I know the grief of losing younger family members, it seems all wrong to live on when they are gone so young. God has his ways, and all will be clear to us when we join our loved ones.
Peace and love be on you Bernie.
Love Granny

Diana said...

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your son Bernie. A pain that I could not and would not want to experience. Funny when I think about how sad I have been about my cat and yet it doesn't come close in comparison to a child.I do understand you not wanting to tell that story. We all have our own pains that we choose not to share for whatever reason. It sounds like you have found some peace and that is a blessing. There are so many people that are just not strong enough to deal with such pain. I am glad that you are one of those that can as we learn so much from you Bernie. Bless you on your sons birthday.

Bernie said...

Thank you Granny, I have come to carry them in my heart, love never dies and by their love I have been given much peace and acceptance. I do believe we all will be together again in God's time......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Diana, thank you. How are you? I have been thinking about you all day as I have been dealing with sad emotions as well. I miss my son so very much but I have accepted God's plan a long time ago. All is well my friend, hope you are feeling better...:-) Hugs

Stillness Speaks said...

I have always noticed that you don't speak about it. And that, I want you to know is perfectly alright. You don't have to say everything. But I want you to know that we admire, respect and feel concern for you nevertheless. Even though you aren't related to us, we, consider you family.

It sure isn't easy living with pain Bernie. But wherever your son is today, he is watching over you, and telling God how proud he feels to have a mother like you. Even though you don't see him, he is always around , making sure no harm comes to you.
Words can never do justice or offer any consolation when faced with something like this. You are like I've always said an inspiration to me. I salute your indomitable spirit!

You all will unite Bernie. For sure you all will.Loads of love to you Bernie :)

Stillness Speaks said...

If I could Bernie, I would have hugged you and stayed like that till you felt better. I feel so helpless that I cannot do anything. My eyes are so moist. Don't try avoiding thoughts of him because the more you do that, the greater force they want to come back with. Let them wash over you and also pray for peace. I will for sure.

Silver said...

:) know that many sit with you as you go through the day, some happy ones whilst others busy. Today, perhaps a little solemn.. and we are still here closeby, listening.

Hugs,
~Silver

Alice said...

The loss of a child must the hardest of all to accept. May peace be with you as you reflect on all that your son meant to you, and the knowledge that you will meet him again.

Wanda said...

Good morning Bernie...
Life can bring so much to bare sometimes...knowing now...that it would have been your son's 40th birthday yesterday fills me with sadness...but I could have done nothing to change your emotions...
it is a way of honoring them...
I know your daughter and grandchild are a sadness you endure...but it will change with time I'm sure...there was a short time in my youngest son's life, when he gave me great stress...but that all has changed...we love are children no matter what...be they here or not.
Lot's of love I send your way Bernie...try to have a pleasant day.... Oh good grief! I just rhymed in a comment...Marcy is to blame...
Love and good wishes...
Wanda

Gail said...

Hi Bernie-

Oh my, your words of your son Scotty's passing are so powerful. My sister lost her son, he was 32 - he was my God son. His untimely death bonded us in ways I never knew were possible - it will be 7 years this November. His name is Clayton.

Grief is such a personal journey - so I respect whatever you do or don't do on days such as this. My heart aches with and for you.

Love and hope for us all
Gail
peace......

Eileen said...

I think it really does somehow help if we can rely on God's Plan while carrying the heartache of loss. And I'm happy for you that you know you were Gifted with the love of your husband and your son, for however long or short that time may have been, it was truly a Gift. Too many people concentrate on the loss and not on the wealth of love that was granted to them.

I can understand your daughter and you not wanting to share everything. We all have some things in our lives that we keep private. And some things remain raw emotion for some no matter how many years pass. Everyone is different and deals with pain and loss in different ways.
So glad you could make peace with everything, Bernie. I talk about you all the time to my family, you are such a fine example.
Love and Prayers,
Eileen

Bernie said...

Hi Stillness, thank you for your kind words, I am fine. There are days when the emotions are painful to me but I always walk through them and manage to come out the other side......its called my faith. You are a sweetie and I accept your hugs gratefully. Have a great weekend...:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hi Silver, so very true and it was nice to be able to share my feelings with my blogging family. Thankfully today is a new day and I am looking forward to the sunshine. Enjoy your weekend...Hugs

Bernie said...

Alice, there are no words for the loss of a child, only faith which I am so blessed to have. Thank you Alice........:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Good Morning Wanda, I did have a pretty raw day yesterday as I always do on those days with emotional memories. I was blessed to have Scotty for 26 years so today I am being thankful for that.
Loved your rhyme....LOL
Isn't it true, we do love our children no matter what is said or done....I think that is called being a mother. We may not always like what they do but always love them.
I will have a nice day as the sun is shining my friend....:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hi Gail, so sorry for your sister and your loss. I had Scotty for 26 wonderful years so today I will focus on that.
All is well and another day in the life of Bernie....but today is different....its sunny outside.
Have a great weekend my friend,
Lots of love......:-) Hugs

Bernie said...

Hi Eileen, your words lifted me up this morning. I had my son for just over 26 years and have so many good memories in my heart. I am better for all the years I had with both of them and then I have also been blessed with a strong faith.....Life can remind us of painful emotions some days but it also gives a new day to start fresh as today is, the birds are chirping and the sun is shinning, life is good my friend...:-) Hugs

The Retired One said...

Oh Bernie,
I am sending my biggest HUG to you ever.
It must be awful to lose a child.
I too know that you will be reunited with them in heaven.
They want you to live a happy, fulfilled life here on earth until that day, so you are doing everything right here.
Love to you....{{hugs}}}

Bernie said...

Thank you Joan, I love hugs. My life is better and I am stronger for having had the love of my son and husband. All is well my friend........:-) Hugs

Teresa said...

Dear Dear Bernie,
God Bless and Keep you today, and may the Lord wrap His arms around you and hold you close. Love T

EM said...

dear bernie --- sending you love and joy :)

-em-
ps: wandered by via stillthinking's blog. will wander again :)